Bitter Orange Tree

Zeynep Lokmanoglu

There is a story my grandmother used to tell me. I remember the beginning, but not much else.

In my head, I retell whatever I can remember of it, over and over, hoping the rest will reveal itself. I asked my cousin, my aunt, my sister, and my father. They said they remember it faintly. I suspect they remember the ghost of something else and don't know this story at all.

There’s a boy in his late teens. He leaves his village with a stick on his back and a pouch tied to the end of that stick. In the pouch are a knife, a water canteen and a set of clothes. He’s looking for adventure.

He walks for a long time, passing through green hills covered in wildflowers. He washes his face and refills his canteen with spring water. He picks berries, and sucks off their bloody juices from his fingers. He collects mushrooms and nuts in a cloth tied to his waist. He sleeps facing the stars, his head resting on his pouch. Birds sing him awake at dawn.

His lack of direction exhilarates him. But his belly is hollow and his bones are cold. He misses falling asleep by the fire after dinner with a cat on his chest. For days, he has not seen a soul. He talks to himself. He sings:

I’ve been on an endless road
My feet know the rocks as their lover
They meet and they part
They meet and they part

The old shepherd in his village taught him many songs. The boy used to think he would become a shepherd too.

He sees a town sparkling in the distance. Its foreignness intimidates him. He tells himself he’s not really that hungry.  

It’s around noon and the sun is burning brightly. He retreats to a big citrus tree. He looks up and sees three oranges hanging over him. The oranges look perfectly ripe. He stares at them with big eyes. He knows many months have passed since oranges were last in season.

The rays of the sun pass through the dark branches. The oranges twinkle like jewels. He thinks of eating an orange, but the thought of its bitter taste burns his empty stomach.

He lies down to take a nap but his insides rumble. I want to feel one, he thinks.

He reaches up on tiptoe and grabs it. It comes off easily, with a snap. It is a bitter orange, he can tell from its rugged skin. He begins to peel it. Its skin is thick and gives softly. The fruit grows heavy in his hand. It begins to shake. He drops it.

As the orange hits the ground, a flashing, blinding, otherworldly ray of light shoots up from its center. From the light, a woman emerges. She’s naked and covered in pulp. Her hair is sticky, damp and reddish-brown. She’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.

You should know that he has not seen many women before. Most girls in his village are married off to older men in neighboring villages and are hardly ever seen again. 

Her eyes open slowly. She mumbles a single word: “Su…”

The boy closes his mouth and gulps, his back against the tree.

Su,” she mumbles again. She looks like she’s about to faint.

SU!” she yells, puckering her lips. Her head bends sideways and her body goes limp. In an instant, she expires. She leaves behind nothing but seeds and pulp.

The boy is terrified. He stares at the two oranges still dangling from the tree. Hours pass. 

In a moment, he rouses suddenly from his daze and climbs the trunk. He reaches for one of the two remaining oranges. It doesn’t feel particularly heavy. He sniffs it. It smells like an orange. He rolls it over his palm before he punctures it and pulls on its skin.

The light is dazzling. He covers his eyes with his hands and lets the fruit fall. The same woman he saw before is now lying on the ground.

Su.” She mutters.

The word sets him off. He pulls his canteen from his satchel.

Her limp limbs suddenly perk up and she snatches the canteen from him and gulps water down. It’s down to the last drop when her head turns, her hazel eyes ablaze.

“MORE!” She screams.

He doesn’t back away quickly enough, she grabs his arm and pulls herself up. She takes a deep breath and expires. Her sticky residue is left on his arm. His knees give and he lands on the ground.

He’s unsure how much time passes before he's able to stand again. Once he does, his mind can’t let go of a thought. There’s one last orange hanging from the tree.

My grandmother liked reminding me that the third time is always the charm.

He carefully pulls away the last orange from the tree and wraps it in his shirt. He walks to a stream and pierces the orange with his thumb in the water.

The light is so strong that it cracks the earth and splits the sky. As soon as he is able to open his eyes again, he sees the same woman he saw before.  

She is on her hands and knees. Her face submerged in the pool of water. She crawls towards a small waterfall, and puts her lips on the water gushing between the rocks. The water seems to pass straight through her.

I don’t remember what happens after this. But I know my grandmother wouldn’t have told me a story that ends when a woman is brought back to life by a man.

The woman notices the boy and lifts herself out of the water.

“Thank you. I was very thirsty,” she says.

“Do you know that you came out of an orange?”

The woman scrunches up her face. “That seems right,” she says.

“I peeled two others before you. They didn’t make it.”  

The woman does not respond. She has goosebumps all over. 

The boy gives her his spare clothes. “You can have these,” he says. She takes them, but does not say anything.

The sun is now near the horizon. The boy digs the heel of his shoe into the ground and moves it around. “I saw a village nearby. I was thinking of stopping there for the night.”

The young woman, who from this point on will be called Orange Girl, says, “I could eat something.” 

They head towards the village. She walks barefoot over rocks and bushes without flinching.

When they reach the town, they are met by a guard at the gate. "Who are you, strangers?”

The boy deepens his voice. “We are on a long journey. We were hoping to find some food."

“You’re in luck,” the guard says. “Tonight is our town’s anniversary feast."

As they walk in, the guard calls out. “This town is full of respectable people, don't forget that.”

The guard calls out again, pointing into the town. “Go to the third house on the left and ask the woman there if she can spare a pair of shoes for your friend. Her name is Kadife.”

A woman with gray, waist-length hair, opens the door. There are children playing around her skirt like kittens. She looks surprised to see strangers.

“Come in,” Kadife says and leads them into a candlelit kitchen.

A shadow passes over her eyes when she sees Orange Girl’s face and her auburn hair.

She looks like she’s about to say something but then shakes her head. “You said you needed shoes?” She looks down at Orange Girl's feet. “Ah, I have just the ones.”

She disappears into a back room and returns holding a pair of leather shoes. “These should fit,” she says. “They were my sister’s.”

As they are walking away, Kadife stops them. “Maybe you should stay here with me,” she says.

“Are we not welcome?” Orange Girl asks.

“No, it’s not that...” 

The sound of something shattering followed by a wail reaches them from the house. Kadife runs back, closing the door behind her.

They walk on to a large building with music and light pouring out of its windows. They are greeted at the door by a man with a sword.

“Welcome strangers,” he says to them.

The room is full of people dressed in ornate gowns and frilly shirts. They whirl around a banquet table which is overflowing with food. Some people dance, others stand and laugh in groups. It is beautiful and smells of roast and roses.

“Where do you come from?” a woman asks. She has her hair up. Her dark yellow dress hangs off her bare shoulders.

The boy is about to answer, but instead his eyes widen. The woman waits patiently. He finally finds his words, “From a village in the Northern Mountains.”

The boy looks at the woman and then back at Orange Girl.

“Oh, that must be cold,” the woman says. She turns to Orange Girl and her red lips curve into a smile. “You’re very beautiful,” she says.

Orange Girl returns her gaze. “You look like a flower,” she says.

“Yes, I feel like a daffodil,” she says. She links arms with a man and glides away. 

“You are pale,” Orange Girl says to the boy.

“Don’t you see?

"See what?”

“They all look like you!” the boy says. Orange Girl blinks blankly. 

He pulls her arm gently and guides her gaze to a large silver bowl.

Orange Girl looks into the bowl, not understanding. “I see them,” she says.

A woman standing there laughs tastefully. “Oh that’s funny. No, you see yourself!”

She takes the bowl and stands next to Orange Girl. She taps her own nose with her finger. Orange Girl does the same and lets out an astonished “Oh!” 

“Why do you all look the same?” The boy asks.

The woman turns to the boy and laughs drily. “It’s just the way we are.”

“But not the men,” he says.

“No, of course not.” She is growing impatient.

The boy gestures towards Orange Girl. “But she’s not from here,” he says. “Why does she look like you?”

“Well, isn’t that precious,” the woman responds. She looks around for someone else to talk to.

The boy doesn’t give in. “Do your parents also look like this?”

She furrows her brow. “Women don’t have parents,” she says. “Maybe they do where you’re from.”

She whispers to a tuxedoed man as she walks off. “They are from the villages...”

Orange Girl grabs a water jug with both hands and empties it into her mouth.

“Good evening.”

She turns around and sees a man with a long black mustache and curly locks.

“I hope you are enjoying our food,” he says. She doesn’t like the way he speaks, hitting every syllable like a blow.

“Count Gavoir.” He bows. “Where do you come from?”

The boy edges nearer to Orange Girl and opens his mouth to answer but she speaks instead: “A village North of here.”

He turns to a man. “Bernard, you’ve been to some of those villages, haven’t you?”

“Yes sir,” he says. “Always left as fast as I could.”

“Are there many women up there who look so very similar to the women of our town?”

“Never saw a single one who did.” His yellow mustache twitches over his lip.

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“Surely you must see that this is very strange,” The count says.

“I look like the women here,” says Orange Girl. “I don’t see why it’s strange that someone else looks like them.” 

“Because,” the count says. His face is momentarily distorted as he tries to hold back words. 

A crowd of women push the men aside and surround Orange Girl and the boy. 

“I don’t think she looks like me,” says a woman with a flamboyant hairdo. 

The woman standing next to her laughs and says, “You don’t think any of us look like you!”

“Did you first appear in a pond by a church?” asks another woman.

The count stands in front of them. “Ladies, ladies,” he says. “Surely, this woman must be an outsider of mother-birth. And while she does look like you, I think it would be a great disservice to your great beauty to say that it is anything more than a faint resemblance.”

“I don’t know,” says another woman standing near them. “I think she’s as lovely as any of us.”

“Well, unfortunately, she must leave when the festivities end,” the Count says. A gong sounds loudly. “Ah! And there it is. The hour has come for us to part ways.”

The men attempt to shuffle the women out, but the women are hesitant. 

“I wasn’t born from a mother,” Orange Girl says. Her voice surprises everyone. “I came from an orange tree not too far from the gates of this town.”

There are several gasps in the air. 

“This is what happens when we let villagers in. They try to come up with fanciful stories so that we let them stay,” the count says.

A woman declares, “I think I remember something about an orange…”

“This is ridiculous,” Count Gavoir says.

Orange Girl turns to the count. “None of this feels right and you are sweating too much! I’m not going anywhere until I have an explanation.”

“Well, I should probably tell you...” Says the count as he wipes the sweat off his forehead. “An outsider who disobeys the rules of the Anniversary Feast will be sentenced to death!”

A man runs up to the count and yells. “My Count, the Orange Tree is barren and there is juice everywhere.”

“Stop speaking, idiot!” the count says.

“I meant to gather those last few oranges, but my bag was so heavy,” confesses another young man. “I thought they would just fall and rot.”

The women surround the count. Their hazel eyes turn to fire.

One of the men points a gun at the crowd and a woman smacks it away and hits him in the eye with her elbow. He screams in pain. The women take hold of the guns. They far outnumber the men.

They tie the count to a chair. One holds a knife above the count’s leg, ready to stab him. “Speak,” she says.

“My ancestors did not build this town,” he mutters.

“I…When I was a young man, I worked for the King of a land far from here. My job was to document the treasures of the World. I’ve been to lands where trees were so tall they parted the clouds. I once met a man who lived in a palace made of gems guarded by an army of snakes.”

Orange Girl yawns performatively. The women tighten the count’s ropes.

The count gasps for air and his face turns purple. “If I die none of you will learn the truth.”

“Someone will speak, eventually” the women say.  

“Of course you think that!” The count says. “You were not made to be smart…” Before he can say anything else, a woman raises a cauldron of bubbling soup and pours it on his lap.

As the count bellows in pain, a short stocky man with a thin mustache lets out a squeal and begins talking.

“When we came to this town, it was a happy place run by women who looked like all of you. We were told the story of the Orange Tree that gave life and the lake of wisdom that surrounded it. We were taken to the sacred tree, which was then within the town walls. One moonlit night, Count Gavoir sent one of our men to steal an orange from the tree. The women caught him and had him banished. Months later, we returned with an army. We breached the gates and attacked. It wasn’t much of a fight. It had been a peaceful place…”

Some of the women start crying.

“We killed just about everyone. We cut off the stream that fed the lake of wisdom and collected all of its water. We harvested you only when the fruit would yield you as women and we peeled you to life in a pond of our making.”

I would like to say that they killed the count, but they did not. They threw him and his men into the pond by the church, and after that they forced them out. It is unlikely they will return.

The boy and Orange Girl stay to help the women settle into their new existence. They revive the lake and bring the Orange Tree back inside the town’s walls. The women take turns guarding it.

One day Orange Girl and the boy sit with their backs to the tree. Orange Girl asks him, “Are you ready to leave?”

“It’s probably time,” he says. “You’re coming too?”

“Of course,” she says. 

They leave the town with tearful goodbyes. As the town turns into a small dot behind them, Orange Girl looks at the boy.

“Do you have a name?” 

The boy nods. “Ali,” he says. 

“Do you like it?”

“Sure,” the Boy says. Warm thoughts of his mother and father fill his heart. 

“I’ll think of one for myself,” Orange Girl says. 

Zeynep Lokmanoglu grew up in Mersin, Turkey, in a home with plenty of dogs, books, and citrus trees. She studied English Literature at Brandeis University and later received an MFA in Writing from Columbia University. She’s currently working on a few short stories and a screenplay. She also started writing her novel last month, last week, and will start again tomorrow. Find her on twitter at @zlo_mo .

Techau

Juliana Torres Forero

Sobrevivimos solo porque tenemos palabras
-
Inger Christensen

Cat, Saint James's Factory, 1755, England

Cat, Saint James's Factory, 1755, England

Ahora estoy encima de la cama. Un bulto de pliegues suaves respira junto a mí. Espero a que esa cosa rara—no se parece en nada a lo que soy—salga de ahí adentro, esa que me cuida y me llama con sus ronroneos: pa-pa-ya. Me parece que eso soy yo. Esos ruidos que encadena con urgencia me traen a su voz: “ya ven, Papaya, deja la flojera, empecemos juntas el día”. Ella (creo que eso es lo que es) repite mucho “día”, yo no he podido entender a qué se refiere, escarbo y escarbo en este océano de imágenes y estridencias en las que me hundo, mientras mi cuerpo hace lo suyo y no lo entiendo. Lo importante es reconocer que “Pa-pa-ya” me trae de inmediato al radar de su atención. Ella me dice que esos sonidos están hechos de letras y que esas letras juntas se llaman “palabras”. De manera que eso es lo que me pasa, esta virulencia viene de esos pedazos de nada, de aire, que se van llenando de mí. La palabra con la que me llama se puede comer, me dice. Pertenece al reino de las cosas jugosas y coloridas, de las cosas a las que les puedes meter los dedos y hacer que reviente la carne y salgan las semillas. Cuando está contenta, me llama también pelusa, pajarita, serenidad de mi mundo, mi concentración de átomos favorita, mi no-yo. Yo me asombro de oír cómo se van multiplicando esas formas del aire en su boca, cómo mutan hasta hacer cada vez más difícil resistirse a que entren en mí.

Ella es la fuente, ya lo sé.

Ahora no me habla, no quiere salir. Quiere quedarse ahí adentro, en esa cueva que la deja inventar sueños donde abraza, lame y muerde otros cuerpos. Yo voy haciendo brotar mis borboteos a ver si la saco de ahí, a ver si al fin nos movemos y comenzamos a hacer eso que sabemos hacer: parir al mundo, otra vez, con nosotras a bordo. Quiero que las dos seamos lo que se agita y salto. La huelo, nos huelo, como una sola cosa viva. 

Ella abre los ojos.

 Cat Statuette intended to contain a mummified cat, Ptolemaic Period, 332–30 B.C., Egypt

 Cat Statuette intended to contain a mummified cat, Ptolemaic Period, 332–30 B.C., Egypt

Le lamo la frente. Sigue sin moverse y yo empiezo a recordar cómo comenzó todo esto, cuándo dejé de sentirme como lo que era antes. Creo que fue cuando ella dejó de salir de la casa. Yo estaba acostumbrada a que sus piernas se movieran para alimentarme. Ella dejaba de ser bulto para convertirse en lo que se mueve, y la única razón por la cual lo hacía (o eso era lo que yo creía) era para poner unas bolas olorosas en mi plato y para hacer brotar el agua de la fuente. La fuente y yo. Unos chorros flacos salían de una flor que imitaba a una margarita y que me salpicaban; yo saltaba alrededor, eran cinco chorros, ¡paf!, ¡zas! ¡chap!, ¡chap! ¡glup! ¡zas!  Yo bebía. A mi humana—ahora sé que este es otro de sus nombres—le parecía extraña mi relación con la fuente. Sólo porque me gustaba golpearla con mis garras, arrastrarla sin motivo hasta la cocina o hasta la puerta de la casa. No quería decir nada con eso, no era una forma de desagradecimiento, como ella pensaba. Lo hacía porque sentía que ella necesitaba movilidad. El agua no puede quedarse quieta, yo la empujaba, quería que se desbordara, que nos llevara a ese camino que las dos queríamos recorrer: el que nos llevaría al lugar donde se agitan las cosas. En todo caso, lo que quiero decir es que ella se iba, recuerdo, se iba y me dejaba sola a lo largo de muchos sueños. Yo no la veía hasta que volvía cuando ya todo estaba oscuro y me contaba lo que había pasado en lugares que desconozco. Me hablaba de espacios donde hablaba con otras personas, sin tenerle miedo a la saliva dispersándose en el aire. Las conversaciones no eran, en esos tiempos, amenazas. En ese entonces, ella amaba tocar, arañar el mundo, metérselo en la boca. Me hablaba de querer sentirlo todo deslizándose en su garganta, de cómo lo que le pasaba con los otros, los momentos que se inventaban en una improvisación sin tregua, eran su alimento. Pero ahora ella permanece aquí, conmigo. Hace ya muchos sueños y despertares que la sigo viendo rondando silenciosa los cuartos. Desde entonces me mira e imita mis formas. Yo imito su manera de mirarse y, sin quererlo, me he llenado de toda esa barahúnda que carga en su torso y en su cráneo. La veo lamiéndose como si estuviera llena de heridas, la veo queriendo que su lengua le abra paso a la humana que ella solía ser cuando aún podía salir.

Todo esto lo empecé a saber cuando recibí los corrientazos de su pensamiento. Me empezaron a estremecer los nervios, a sacudir los tendones, a erizarme los pelos; mis miauuumiá, mis rrrrs, mis purrrs, mis arraruuuú fueron perdiendo su fuerza. Los nuevos huéspedes los dispersaban para ir ocupando todo el espacio dentro de mis cavidades. Se mezclaban con mis órganos, con todas mis células hasta formar esta sustancia densa de la que estoy llena y que interrumpe mi deseo de ser como los pájaros. Yo siento moverse en mí esas voces, a veces nítidas, otras veces borrosas, cadenas sonoras que gritan ideas y que me meten el mundo en los ojos como la humana lo mete en los suyos. O lo sacan como ella lo saca, así, como si todo lo que la rodea fuera su animal, uno más que ella se inventa y que va volviendo dócil. Sé que ella también es un animal de caza, aunque a veces ambas parezcamos tan domesticadas. Como yo, ella necesita salir a desgarrar lo vivo para alimentarse. Pero algo la mantiene aquí, algo quizá parecido a lo que me tiene a mí encerrada y quieta, algo que amenaza con hincharla toda de una presencia enemiga. Me dijo –Papaya, si los humanos salen se quedan sin aire, esferas invisibles se les meten en el cuerpo para alimentarse de ellos hasta que ya no pueden respirar más. Yo me pregunto, por qué teme tanto, si yo soy la que está llena de su miedo, soy yo la que ahora no puedo ser lo que soy, atiborrada de interferencias, paralizada por estas voces que me enferman y que vienen de ella. A mí me gustaría perder ese aliento humano, que más que un “soplo de vida”, como ella lo llama a veces, es un veneno denso que le hace a una olvidar por qué fue que vino. Ese olvido me arrrrrastra de vuelta a lo que me hacía sentirla a ella como una extensión de mímeuy, algo que se movía entre las cosas que me llamaban para que yo pusierrrra mi atención en ellas.

Cosmetic Vessel in the Shape of a Cat,  ca. 1990–1900 B.C., Egypt

Cosmetic Vessel in the Shape of a Cat,  ca. 1990–1900 B.C., Egypt

Continuidad del instante-ya, nada más. Eso era yo.

Hablo en pasado lo puedo hacer ahora por la enfermedad todo lo veo compacto en mí a la medida que crece en mí lamo en el instante ya lo que es y lo que fue trago sin parar todo lo que pasa se va formando como una sustancia pegajosa muerdo mis patas y se concentra en un solo punto en frente de mi nariz bolas de pelos y ¡buuum! ahora que la enfermedad se ha agudizado lo puedo hacer todo lo veo compacto se va formando todo lo que pasa una sustancia pegajosa estoy hablando en pasado a medida que crece en mi lomo.

Yo huelo el tiempo.

Me duele la cabeza.
A veces las palabras se mandesar entroad,
me hacen pedacitos, me gantra, gulp.

Para recordar eso que yo era, vuelvo a mis músculos: ellos me hablan de cómo pulsaba la grama contra mis patas mullidas, de cómo mi nariz se acercaba a millares de olores encendiendo el calor de túneles que me arrastraban a un lugar lejano: Egipto, los ratones, las mujeres bendiciendo el paso de mi sombra, las dunas replicando la magnanimidad de mi ánimo. Mis músculos saben cómo, en el momento en el que me dirigía a la ceremonia que me erguiría como una diosa frente al Nilo, cuando sería proclamada, ante una multitud de túnicas, la fuente de toda cura y bondad, mi humana, la del presente empobrecido por su torpeza, por su desconocimiento de la gloria que me esperaba al otro lado de los girasoles-umbral del jardín, empezó a jalonar mi torso para llevarme de vuelta a su casa. Fue una tensión odiosa que sacó mi carne de la promesa de la arena, de la visión de mis hermanas las esfinges, de la alegría de los pueblos por haber sido liberados gracias a mi espíritu cazador. La humana no me quería dejar ir el cuerpo, no quería dejarme moverlo a mi gusto. Siguió jalando. Mis músculos me retorcían en la tierra. Maullaron, chillaron por mí, querían librarme de ella de una buena vez. Lucharon en vano. Cuando por fin pudo cargarme, la miré con desprecio, mi estómago sintió bolas de fuego, las tripas ganas de rasguñar su cara, de morderle los ojos, de hacerle sangrar la lengua. Los dientes querían cortar este cordón horrendo con el que me mantenía lejos de los míos como una sierva inoculando mi grandeza con la bulla de su ser infecto.

Me han llamado Techau, ahora lo sé. La Felis chaus de Egipto, la myoeu milenaria, la felis silvestris cafra; la que le robó un pedazo de túnica a Mahoma siendo Muezza; la que se salvó de la hoguera de San Juan; la que guía a los espíritus al inframundo; la maldita, la quemada, la que acompañó a las mujeres en los trances de la luna; la que ha protegido a los humanos de las pestes; musiomuriomurilegus; kat, katze, katu. Eso soy. Vengo del myoue iridiscente, vengo de un pluridioma irrigado en mi cuerpo elástico que busca la libertad de los montes y desiertos. Pero mi humana se interpone. Ella no entiende nada. Me ofrece un juego que cree que remplaza los de la historia en los que he sido protagonista, la historia que me ha adorado, deificado, la que me ha maldecido y calcinado, la que ha intentado despellejar mi misterio, sin encontrar nada más que mi sombra. Es insuficiente el amparo de ese juego humilde que ella me ofrece. Sin embargo, reconozco que me re encuentro a través de él con la poética de mi ánimo cazador. Recibo esa frase como una transmisión de tiempos pasados y venideros en la fulgurancia del instante-ya en el que se junta y vibra todo lo que fue, lo que ha sido y lo que será. Eso es lo que comparto con la humana. Creamos un sistema en el que ella lanza al aire unas esferas. Son cuatro, están atadas a una cuerda que se adhiere a un palo que ella sacude. Yo las persigo como si se tratara de todos los planetas y las estrellas que me han visto quemar y renacer de las cabezas de mis enemigos, de todos los roedores que maté para salvar multitudes, de todas las aves que han conocido mi lengua. Las esferas se pierden bajo el sofá dejándome expectante y después vuelven a salir, contra mi nariz y ¡bum! se estrellan con los vidrios para deslizarse y caer muertas en el suelo, cuando ya no vale la pena cazarlas; después se agitan enloquecidas y me hacen pegar saltos de los que caigo dolorrrida ¡auuuuú! en la madera golpeándome contra el filo de una puerrrrta y ¡zas! las alcanzo, se alzan, se arrastran, nos hacen correr de nuevo. Así, juego con la humana, con ella invento el fuego, el de los trillones de explosiones por segundo que animan la esfera luminosa que nos sostienerrrrr… el que está en mismiaumiá ojos amarillos, esos que han asustado a tantas gentesrrrrr… El mismo fuego que ella mueve cuando escriberrrrr (o eso creeé) y que yo propago en mi movimiento y mi quiemieyutuuuud…

Recuerdo que solíamos entrar en conversaciones larguísimas de maullidos y brincos que las dos entendíamos. Ella corría vestida de una de sus pieles, la más suave, la que se ve siempre del mismo color, para mí cenizo, pero para ella, más bien rosa. Después de correr vestida con esa piel sin pelos, ella se sentaba a sacar de su boca algo que llamaba “poema”. Po-e-ma. Es parte de mi alimento, me dice. Una vez me contó que todos los poemas le sabían distinto cada vez que los probaba –Me los meto a los ojos y me entran por la boca y la lengua, le dan golpecitos en mis dientes y me hacen sentir en la tráquea una corriente de fuego. Es el fuego de la escritura, entre animales que escriben, nos entendemos. Aunque sea el mismo poema, muta, cambia, como tus pájaros que suenan afuera: no puedes cazarlos y nunca son el mismo, se multiplican, aunque sí, son un sólo pájaro, el que te habla, el que conoces. ¿Me entiendes? Un poema es como tú, Papaya, ubicuo, todo el tiempo en cada parte de la casa, reinventándose el suelo, lo que me sostiene, lo que parece una sola cosa, pero resulta ser otra, un cúmulo de pluriversos paralelos –Entonces dijo:

Cat, John Astbury, 1745, Staffordshire

Cat, John Astbury, 1745, Staffordshire

La acción

1.  Claro que te llamo cuando creo que me dejas
2. En los pasadizos ocultos entre vida y muerte
3. No quiero fingir que estoy muerto. Tengo miedo
4. Acepto mi impotencia porque la niego
5. Canto. Cualquier cosa
6. Sobrevivimos solo porque tenemos palabras.

Lo que ella tiene adentro es un maullido largo, profundo, un maullido que contiene todo lo que ha sido, es y será. Pero a la pobre solo le sale eso que se llama “palabras”, el virus que me habita, a pesar mío. Todo parece indicar que ella busca aprender más de ellas, acumularlas, elaborar su lenguaje, enfermarse más para pulir su comprensión de lo que es estar acá, porque así podrá acerarse más a ese maullido feroz que lleva dentrrrro. Es un camino equivocado, se lo he dicho muchas veces, pero ella insiste en que no entiende. Es ignorante. Cuando trato de hablarle en mi lengua, esa que todavía sale de mi booocauuú aunque en mi cráneo me hable a mí misma como ella se habla, le digo que esta podría ser la cura para ambas. Ella baja la cabeza, se ausenta, no escucha, es como si le fueran a quitar el único rrrrespiro que le queda. Pero, a pesar de ella misma, ha cedido, ha empezado a parecerse más a míeoy que yo a mí misma. Nuestro idioma es el del contagio. Yo ya me veo en ella mi animal me entrega lo que la hacía ser humana me voy haciendo un cascarón envuelve maullido sollozo apenas grrrito de gozo ¡ahhhyyyy! yo no acaba nuuúnca nos vamos extinguiendo vaaaámos convirtiéndonos en algo que ya no le imporrrta a nadie nos. Ni siquiera a los pájarrros. Yo ya me veo en ella, mi animal.

 La veo cada vez mas callada. La presencia de una sustancia primordial que la mantenía viva, que le ayudaba a mantenerse erguida en dos patas, empieza a diluirse. Ella ya empieza a olvidar eso que la mantenían contenida en la forma humana, esa forma monstruosa, extraña que, sin embargo, me daba calor, mimos y ruidos que mantenían mi sangre arrrrullada. Yo la he visto arrastrarse en el suelo y buscarme por los rincones, imitar la manera como yo acechchcho a las hormigas para comeeérmelas, arquear la columna y restregar el hocico, el lomo, el torso, la cola imaginarrria contra los muebles. La cola hace parte vital de míoeu, es la elongación que me hace infinita, es mi antena, la extensión de mis ojos de fuego. Ailouros bastet. El problema terrible que ella tiene es que no tiene cola, perdió la coooóla y sin cooóla no hay muuúndo. Pero estoy armando ideas otra vez, sin control, son volutas encendiéndose en mi cabeza, apenas rrresiduos de lo que pienso

¿Que cómo me contagie de ella? Así fue como pasó: empecé a lamerla, viéndola tan callada y tan quieta. Partículas vacías que le corrían por los túneles del cuerrrpo, y que se multiplicaron y agrrrruparon le empezaron a salir por la pieeél. Al no encontrar más que un huésped silencioso que no les ofrrrecía nada de lo que necesitaban para sobrevivir (sentidos, más nombres, la presencia de otras voces) empezaron a emergerrr. Al lamerla me las metí en el cuerpo. Sabían a tierra quemada, a mi propia saliva, pero ácida, se sentían como hormigas en mi cuerpo ¡crack! corrientazos apoderándose de arterias y cavidades ¡tric! ¡tris! ¡zas!  indigestión detrás los ojos y cráneo repleto ¡buuuum! ¡bang! ¡buuuum! estallido molecular se revienta ¡chaz! ¡pum! ¡paf! moeurrrr, meoyurrrrr, yomeu, tuyomerrrr, techaute, yotúte, techau. Todo esto es lo que llega a mí rr rr rr. Desde ese momento me he ido deshaciendo en letrassss, me vuelvo pedacitos en todo esto que me ha ido parrralizando el cuerrrpo. A veces creo que salto, creo que huelo y cazzzzo, pero después descubrrro que son solo palabrarrrrrrsssss, myoeu.

La humana ha traído un pájaro. Creo que es el mismo que yo conozco, el único del jardín. Lo pone en el piso, me mira, mira a la presa y con suma rapidez empieza a olerla, a lamerla, a morderla. Veo cómo le arranca las plumas y se le quedan entre los dientes; veo los labios tocar la columna vertebral y la lengua empujarla contra el suelo; veo salir de su torso colores antes desconocidos para mí, rojo y negro, se le estalla la piel por dentro; ella escupe, se relame, goza del festín alado; veo cuando muerde su corazón y no puedo pensar más. Me arrojo sobre la presa para desgarrar su carrrrrne. Es un momento myoeulagroso, un portentochchch. Ella empieza a hablar en mi lengua, a las dos nos hermana el maullis myoeu, el miau cavernario, el hambrrrre. Nuestras lenguas se tocan bocas llenas de babaza comen regurgitan al tiempo deshacen en bolo ácido el ave masticable colmillos dientecitos cruje este pedazo de hueso ¡cronsh!, ¡crash! el pico se raja el ojo revienta ¡plop! negro líquido el vítreo sabor en la garganta moja la lengua y resbala ñam-ñam-ñam blanca la cabeza el cráneo contra el suelo ¡paf! abre murrrmurrrante transmitiendo miaudo el placerrr le sale estertorrrrrr ella dice algo viene del barrrro de su mundo de babas traga lo más hondo cavidades huuúmanas yo quieeeeta mirororo acurrrruco y se arrrrastrastrastr, deja atrrrás los sol solo peeedazos de plplplumas amariiiiillas las chasman de la sangregregrerrr se van seca saca a su pasorrrrr.

Cat, Kangxi period (1662–1722), China

Cat, Kangxi period (1662–1722), China

Juliana Torres Forero es literata de la Universidad de los Andes, nacida en Bogotá, Colombia. Escribe poesía y narrativa. Ha colaborado con diversas revistas culturales, virtuales e impresas, como Caligrama, Los bárbaros y Viceversa. Fue escritora residente del Programa de Residencias artísticas del CONACULTA, con quienes publicó Caminos del cielo. Fue finalista del concurso del IBRACO en homenaje a Clarice Lispector y cursó la Maestría en escrituras creativa en español de NYU. Actualmente cursa su tercer año de doctorado en Literatura en el Departamento de Lenguas Romances de la Universidad de Cornell, donde también trabaja como docente. Vive en Ítaca, New York.

“La acción” es un poema escrito por Inger Christensen, hace parte de la colección Conexidades.

Nada

Claudia Paredes

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Nada tiene sentido. Solo, en este apartamento grande y vacio, cerca del mar, muy lejos de Sofía.

Escucho las olas, regidas solo por la luna, las corrientes, las ballenas, los desagües. Indiferentes a la cuarentena. ¿Hace la naturaleza también cuarentena? ¿Pausan los árboles sus hojas, retrasan el vuelo los halcones recién nacidos, dejan las nubes de gotear?

No, no, porque lo veo desde mi ventana, la ciudad cada vez más verde, el musgo acomodándose en las aceras, las ramas de los cedros sin podar. Y me pregunto por Sofía. Si piensa en mí, si me escribe cartas secretas con esos garabatos que no se asemejan a ningún abecedario, si sigue dibujando flores en las paredes de su hogar, que ya no es mío.

Sofía que ya no es mía, sino de su madre, reina del confinamiento, los muros, las reglas, el rencor.

Nos vimos por última vez en marzo, el último día de sol, en el parque de las mariposas. Sofía miraba a las orugas muy de cerca, como si quisiera decirles algo, como si entendiera el idioma universal de las cosas, de los animales y las matas que no tienen límites, porque no los necesitan. Sofía sin límites, bailando al ritmo de mi guitarra, riéndose de mis máscaras, abrazándome como si fuésemos uno. Sofía de los ojos verdes o verdes miel, Sofía sin sospechas ni reproches, Sofía en la cuna, Sofía en mi almohada, Sofía en el mar. Sofía y su primer paso que no vi, Sofía escondida detrás de la cortina, lamiéndose el chocolate de la cuchara, aplaudiéndose a sí misma frente al espejo. Sofía que celebra el mundo al pasar.

Lo decidió su madre, claro. Tu trabajo o tu familia, gritó esa noche después del parque, cuando le conté lo de los nuevos horarios y Sofía con los ojos tan grandes, con una muñeca en cada mano. Yo le respondí que no podía ponerme en esa posición, que buscáramos un acuerdo, que el teatro es de noches y que no hay como más, que volvieramos a empezar, y que... Y ella en el cuarto, desgarrando mi ropa del clóset.

Lárgate, contigo no se puede, vete a donde sea que te tiraste a la fulana esa, qué crees, que no me entero, que soy idiota, que me da la vida para tus caprichos huevones, tus cuentos de actor fracasado, tu inquebrantable separación de la realidad. ¿Qué crees? ¿Qué no tengo una hija que criar?

Ya van tres, cuatro meses de mascarillas sin teatro, de mañanas sin Sofía, de reclamos por teléfono de esa otra mujer que amé unas veces al son de este vaivén del mar. Nada tiene sentido, ni las ramas, ni los halcones, ni los recuerdos. Solo siento a Sofía, lejos, cerca, y el latido de ese pequeño corazón que inunda de esperanza a esta ciudad apagada.

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Claudia Paredes Guinand was born in Arlington, Virginia. She lived in Venezuela and Perú until she settled in Barcelona to study Socio-Cultural Anthropology. She is currently a PhD student in la Universidad Pompeu Fabra. She still isn’t fond of cats, hasn’t gone to the jungle for a while, loves Frida Kahlo (the myth), Raymond Carver’s “Intimacy,” “Tonada de luna llena” (the song) and squirrels. Currently, she is writting a collection of short stories about failure.

Collage cuarentenal

GatoQLadra 

¿Qué mejor forma de afrontar lo absurdo que el collage?

Mi madre tiene un nuevo teléfono móvil. Ahora puede comunicarse con sus amigos en las redes sociales. Antes no le importaba, ahora vivé conectada. Se acuesta  tarde chateando con mi padre, como una adolescente enamorada. Me envía memes y noticias sobre el COVID-19, incluyendo un artículo sobre  plagas pasadas: la peste negra, el cólera, la gripe española. Me recuerda que el tiempo no es lineal, si no más bien una red de causas y efectos. Nada es sólo porque sí, ni sólo porque no. La vida, como el collage, a partir del caos se reitera, se reinventa y se repite. Durante la cuarentena construí un universo de ventanas digitales: una serie de 365 collages que buscan mostrar lo absurdo que puede llegar a ser el confinamiento.  (Encuentre aquí cinco de esos 365).

1. TAPABOCAS

23) Tapabocas.jpg

2. TOXICIDAD

63) toxicidad.jpg

3. PACIENTE

15) Paciente.jpg

4. PELIGRO

19) Peligro.jpg

5. MUERTE

21) Muerte.jpg

Luis Julio Carvajal GatoQLadra nació en Barranquilla en1994. Cuando niño asistió a los talleres de arte y grupos teatrales de la Biblioteca Popular del barrio La Paz en Barranquilla, Colombia—talleres que despertaron su interés en el arte. Obtuvo una licenciatura en educación artística en la Universidad del Atlántico. Actualmente es profesor de arte y cultura en la Fundación Mi Alegre Infancia. Es miembro de la Escuela de Mediadores del Museo de Arte Moderno de Barranquilla, donde busca decodificar poéticamente el Caribe. Es collagista experimental de “ventanas”—universos carnestoléndicos,  oníricos y absurdos, como la vida misma.  Síguelo en su instagram: @gatoqladra.collage

Dios no entra en detalles

Margarita Valencia

dios no.png
dios no.png

(cortinilla)

Voz que narra:

Estimada señora Francisco:

Le escribo a usted como último recurso porque me encuentro sumida en una terrible confusión. Me considero una mujer feliz y mis amigas envidian mi vida perfecta, pero me descubro cada vez con más frecuencia pensando en huir de la casa con don Pablo, el cartero (un hombre feo y barrigón pero muy bien educado). Tuve la suerte de casarme hace diez años con quien hoy es mi marido, un hombre sobre cuyas bondades se podrían escribir varios tomos. Dios, así lo llaman los que lo quieren, es una de esas personas que parece ser capaz de resolver todos los problemas sin inmutarse. Dispone sobre el funcionamiento la casa con gran eficacia y discreción, y permite que yo lo acompañe en las decisiones más fáciles. Dios, por supuesto, no entra en detalles. 

(Transición musical) Dramatizado: 

Dios.- Los detalles te los dejo. Tú los resolverás con solvencia, como siempre haces. No te olvides, eso sí, de poner el mantel de lino portugués: a Joao le gustará ese recuerdo de su tierra. Y cartuchos blancos en los floreros. Ninguna otra flor le hace justicia al lino portugués. Y no perturban la visión de los comensales. 

Esposa confundida.- Había pensado sacar la vajilla Villeroy & Boch… Hace rato no la usamos y a mí me gusta mucho.

Dios.- No, no… qué vulgares esos platos en una mesa de 24… Usa la Limoges de borde dorado; y los Cristofle, claro. ¿Ya pediste los croissants a la panadería francesa?

Esposa confundida.- Pensaba hacerlo ahora, después de almuerzo.

Dios.- Me imaginé que harías eso… Siempre dejas todo para después… (ríe con picardía). Los pedí ayer. Deben llegar a las seis. Aprovecha tú el tiempo para arreglarte ese pelo. 

Esposa confundida.- Fui a la peluquería esta mañana.

Dios.- Y estás preciosa, como siempre. Pero recógete una moña con la hebilla antigua que te traje de Montevideo. Te ves más… más elegante. 

Esposa confundida.- No va bien con el vestido que pensaba usar… El dorado.

Dios.- ¿Segura que quieres usar ese vestido? Te has engordado un par de kilos --nada grave todavía-- y ese vestido lo hace notar más. ¡Pero no me hagas caso! ¡Usa lo que quieras! Todo se te ve bien.

Esposa confundida.- ¿Y de postre?

Dios.- Lo que quieras. Tú, escoge. ¡Nunca fallas en la selección del postre! Además el presidente y el secretario de la junta del club jamás comen postre. Las mujeres… casi todas… viven a dieta. Lo que quieras. Ofrece lo que quieras.

Transición musical

Narración en primera persona:

Al terminar de comer, volvimos a la sala; se sirvió coñac, se ofrecieron cigarros, y yo conversé con las mujeres de nimiedades. Cuando por fin se fueron, Dios se me acercó y me dio un beso en la mejilla, muy amoroso, y me dio las gracias. (Suena la voz de Dios: “Gracias, querida. Todo quedó perfecto, como de costumbre.”) 

Yo me quedé un rato en la sala tomando un coñac (Dios me miró con un poco de reprobación, pero después rio: “Tienes derecho a un trago! Hiciste tu mejor esfuerzo.”) 

Me quedé en la sala pensando en el cartero.

 Transición musical

Dramatizado:

Dios.- Salgo para la oficina. Tengo junta a las ocho. ¿Tú? Te ves mal. 

Esposa confundida.- Creo que algo me sentó mal ayer…

Esposa confundida.- Ya me levanto. ¿Vienes a almorzar? 

Esposa confundida.- Hasta la noche, entonces.  (Suena la puerta sobre el entonces.)

Narración en primera persona:

Me volví a meter a la cama y dormí toda la mañana. Al mediodía, cuando desperté, me serví el último trago de coñac y me senté a llorar en la sala. 

En ese momento tomé la decisión de escribirle, señora Francisco. No entiendo qué me pasa y siento que no puedo seguir así por mucho tiempo.

Respuesta de la señora Francisco (voz de hombre)

Hija mía: 

Seré duro contigo, pero creo que lo necesitas. Tienes un grave problema con el alcohol, que evidentemente está interfiriendo en tu vida conyugal. ¡Busca ayuda! Confía en Dios, confía en el amor y la comprensión de Dios. Él sabrá perdonarte y guiarte de nuevo hacia la buena senda. 

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Margarita Valencia es escritora, editora y traductora. Su novela Un rebaño de elefantes, de la cual aparece un fragmento aquí, fue publicada por Pre-Textos en 2014. Es la autora de la colección de ensayos Palabras desencadenadas y de Ellas editan , un compendio de entrevistas con editoras colombianas que publicó en 2019 con Paula Andrea Marín.

Publicaciones Urgentes es una aventura editorial que explora formas diferentes de circulación de la literatura y de las ideas. Para más información escriban a publicacionesurgentes@gmail.com

Lost and Found

Michael Taussig

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The miracle of finding your lost treasures 
It’s like seeing them for the first time
-
Carolina Saquel

I. 

There are many ways of writing the world in relation to one’s experience
in it.
 

One way is to make a list of things that somehow hang together. 

In Mille Plateaux (1980), a lively anti-structuralist tract, Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari called such a hanging together an “assemblage” or “arrangement.” Their biographer, Francois Dosse, warns against casual applications of this idea, but provides little by way of guidance as to what counts as “hanging together”–a significant omission.  He fears that in the hands of enthusiasts, what counts as “hanging together” could be just about anything. But surely that is what gives the concept of the assemblage (as with Proust’s wasp and orchid) its charm and tension, its surprises too, lying between nebulosity and the throw of the dice? Speaking of charm, what could be a better instance of a potent assemblage than sympathetic magic? Remember Frazer of The Golden Bough with his 150 pages on charms, meaning magical charms, as his portal into sympathetic magic? 

Before going into the magical properties of an assemblage and Walter Benjamin’s ideas of constellations and mimesis, let me first dwell on the concept of the list, by which I mean an actual list of things as an instance of an assemblage. At first sight a list would seem antithetical to an assemblage. The former seems as linear as a clothes’ line, while the latter as lumpy and knobbly as a bunch of grapes or a dog’s breakfast.  

More specifically I want to consider a list of objects generated by anxiety, by magical desire, and by what Deleuze and Guattari thought was crucial philosophically, namely “the event,” or the singular event which resists generalization. 

The event I have in mind is an event as mundane as having a cheap airline lose my suitcase on a flight from Naples to Palermo followed by its eventual recovery four days later in Palermo, in June 2018, by which time I feared it was lost forever. 

For the situation was not encouraging. All traces of the bag had disappeared from the airline computer. “Maybe the baggage tag was damaged,” suggested an employee when I returned to the airport two days after arriving. To obtain this information I had had to go back through “security” to the baggage area escorted by police whose nonchalance suggested that I was far from the first person to do this. By one baggage carrel for RyanAir about one hundred people were screaming about their missing bags, threatening airport staff. Repeated phone calls to the lost baggage office of the airline by myself and by the staff of the Palermo Museum of Marionettes, whose guest I was, were never answered. 

In the larger scheme of things losing a bag is a minor irritant. But tell that to the person whose bag has just disappeared down a black hole. Losing the actual bag and its contents is one thing. Items of great sentimental value; gone. Items of practical value like toothbrush and underpants; gone. Irreplaceable items to be used in lectures and performance; gone. Cherished reading matter; gone.

But psychologically and philosophically what actually happens with such a loss is not mundane. What happens is an ontological transformation of the lost objects, as I shall further explain, and, secondly, the emergence of anger and despair not only with an airline but with the corporate world in general. Indeed, is not air travel with its nightmare scenarios, security queues, ever smaller seats, ghastly “meals,” and flagrant display of class privilege (business class and Others), an apt metaphor for much of what is wrong in the world today? It is astonishing, really, to walk down the aisle of economy class and see not only how awfully people are treated, but how they willingly suffer this indignity. To lose one’s bag is merely the symbolic capstone to what has already been lost—one’s autonomy, one’s physical well-being, one’s soul. 

Forced to close the shades so your neighbors can watch a video, not even the beauty of the sky and the miracle of flight is allowed inside this flying coffin.   

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To lose one’s bag is to begin to awaken from the sleep of the normal and to become aware of the artificiality of the mundane. But precisely because it is so everyday, when something upsets the mundane it is like a time-bomb. Habitual reckoning is swept aside exposing the phantoms where subjective objects become objective subjects–a process described by the psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott in his work on what he called “transitional objects” in children’s games, poised between the breast and world. 

Speaking of subjective objects, let us recall Walter Benjamin’s idea in his essay on surrealism of the revolutionary potential of “the recently outmoded.” What he meant by this were objects now lost to fashion—styles, restaurants, taste, language–awaiting, as it were, the fairy-wand of surrealism not only to retrieve them but therewith to release their smoldering charge—like the things in my suitcase now rendered surreal thanks to the event of loss. In this regard there is no fairy-wand more magical or more effective than a list of the things lost.

II.

With regards to Deleuze and Guattari’s focus on “the event,” I have to admit that I have a long history of being perplexed by it. I recall being a young, bed-ridden, high school student, mystified by my physics tutor trying to explain that although physics could explain the principles of gravity, of mass and velocity, it could not predict the path of a particular stone rolling down a particular hill.

Years later I came across E. E. Evans-Pritchard’s 1937 attempt to set forth what he considered to be the logic behind Azande witchcraft drawing on his anthropological fieldwork in central Africa. He claimed that Zande ideas of witchcraft were generated by the same fascination and mystification I experienced with the rolling stone, attempting to graft the singularity of the event to abstract principles. The Zande, he explained, were eminently practical but nothing could answer two salient questions about an illness or other misfortune such as a granary collapsing on a group seated under it, in the shade, to escape the midday heat. “Why me? Why now?” were the questions. When confronted by misfortune, modern science recruits statistical probability so as to explain the singularity of the event. (But talk to someone “modern” and you will soon find they are asking the same questions.) Zande took a different tack, that of witchcraft.

Zande witchcraft provided oracles to determine the immediate causes of one’s misfortune as well as the rituals to cure it. That these causes lay as much embedded in nature as in the tensions of social relationships, made the parallel with my lost objects all the more relevant. Nature in the Zande situation included the fact that the capacity for exercising witchcraft was inherited and was said by many to inhere in organs in the body of the witch—such as the gallbladder. The oracles included the behavior of chickens fed a plant poison from the Congo as well as interpretations of the results of laying relevant materials on termite’s nests. Moreover, witchcraft was not voluntary; it happened beyond the will of the witch as if witches are possessed of capabilities beyond their control. Hence witchcraft in this account is very much a question of things affecting things beyond the orbit of consciousness. In my case there was not even an oracle to consult other than the mournful cry of a never-answered telephone. It would seem that with modernity, bureaucracy and corporate culture take the place of witchcraft.

Crucial here is misfortune. Not only does misfortune demand some sort of explanation but it evokes unsuspected qualities in things like underpants and toothbrush come alive with their own agency. Surely the current infatuation with “post-humanist” anthropology and with how forests think is testimony to the animating impact of misfortune and witchcraft at a global level?  

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This new life comes about through death. The objects are irradiated with the spectrality of loss, as in the case of the lost suitcase or with sickness as in the case of witchcraft. Loss actually is a type of illness, and the term “misfortune” covers loss and illness as well as witchcraft. Here we might bear in mind that mis/fortune literally means not just lack of luck but negative luck, invoking occult worlds and forces.  

So here’s a word—misfortune—that having passed through the secularization-translation process of modern history, at least in the West, preserves within itself the meaning and memory of malign mystical power. We use the term misfortune without thinking of this, yet every time we do, it uses us, as well, similar to the lost objects in the suitcase.  

The awakened life provided by singular events challenges the vanities of intellectual mastery built on the idea that singular things should be and indeed can be elaborated into a pattern, hitherto concealed, as we find with Hegel, Marx, and Freud, those great work-horses of the European intelligentsia. It is as if the patterns thus exposed exploit concrete singularity not only for this or that particular grand scheme (magical, for sure), but do this so as to feed the need for mastery as an end in itself (magical, for sure).

But what would the mastery of non-mastery look like?

Perhaps a list provides the answer? 

III.

Here is my Lost and Found list

It is written down spontaneously without any conscious thought as to the order.

1. An electric toothbrush 
2. Two black wool berets bought as presents from El Corte Ingles, Madrid, June 2018
3. Yellow cotton pants from Cairo, April 2018, bought with the help of Munira Kayatt who lives and teaches in Cairo with her young child and six shorn cats 
4. Bright blue leather belt from Popayan, Colombia, 2010, bought outside the old market
5. Two “clapper sticks” aboriginal musical instruments from Broome, remote Northwest Australia, 2010, made by a whiteman gone native. The sticks are made of ultra-hard eucalyptus, about eight inches long, heavy, make a loud ringing sound when clapped together as accompaniment to the staccato-like presentation of my sea theater
6. White floppy thin cotton pants from Kolkata, 2005
7. Hito Steyerl essays, The Wretched of the Screen
8. External DVD drive
9. A scallop shell from Galicia, Spain, 2001, for my sea presentation in Munich June 14, 2018
10. A conch shell from Seal Rocks, north of Sydney, Australia, 1995, also for the sea theater 
11. Large blue and white cloth for the sea theater draped over the podium for the sea theater as symbol of the sea (Cf Brecht’s “Alienation Effects in Chinese Theater”)  
12. Two brilliantly colored flower pattern shirts from Paris, 2018
13. Old blue jeans
14. Donkey poster made by my daughter with a separate gold and blue cloth tail; for my “donkey talk” in Munich
15. Three full fieldwork notebooks compiled in Colombia from the early 2000’s. These are irreplaceable.
16. Two recent New Yorker magazines
17. Two recent Times Literary Supplements
18. Criterion DVD of Jean Painleve, “Science is Fiction '' which includes the 1928 silent movie, “The Love Life of the Octopus,” to be shown as “background” to my sea theater in Munich. (If sea sounds unlikely in Munich consider this: a fast running stream runs through the English Garden about ten minutes walk from where my talk in central Munich. The stream runs over a weir setting up a permanent wave which surfers ride with great audacity and skill. It is narrow and dangerous.)  
19. A small poke and shoot high quality camera
20. Cell phone charger and laptop charger
21. Cotton underpants, different colors
22. Exquisite sculptural collage (three inches by three and half) of Taranto, Southern Italy, consisting of a blue frame of wood with sculptured 3-D Palm Tree with coconuts, flip flops, seagull, a cloud, and binoculars imposed on the frame enclosing a colored photograph of the sea and the 16th c fortress wall of Taranto built by Spanish king
23. Two pairs reading glasses 
24. Several drawing pens, “Pilot G-Tech–C4”
25. Small set of Winsor & Newton watercolor paints 
26. A ring from Nazareth, home of Jesus, Palestine, April 2018 
27. A wooden cutout about one inch in diameter of the Nativity/ Three Kings from Bethlehem
28. A small packet of thumb tacks to fasten the donkey drawing to the wall in Munich
29. A pair of snug-fitting lightweight blue pants with rococo design in sweeping black curves
30. A small white box with two donkeys, one of iron, the other ceramic, plus some 100 US dollars

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IV. 

Lost & Found Online

1. Anger and sarcasm

Beware of lost luggage! 
Jul 5, 2010, 4:20 PM
“I recently flew with Alitalia from Catania Sicily to Venice and connected through Rome. They lost my luggage. It is now 6 days later and I am back in Canada and they have finally delivered the bag to my home. 2 years ago they lost my luggage for two days and my friend was without her luggage for 9 days. The numbers they give you to follow up on your bag are useless. They give you false information and change the information on you constantly. They speak Italian–thankfully I speak fluent Italian but I couldn't imagine if I didn't speak the language. Here in Canada the Alitalia office does not answer the phone for lost baggage and after 17 phone calls, no one has responded to my voicemail either. They ask you to mail in the claim form but when you click on the website to download the form, it says that the web page does not exist. It is just one mistake after another. At this point I am not even going to bother putting in a claim even though I had to incur hundreds of dollars of expenses due to not having anything to wear in Venice. Alitalia does not care one bit about your lost luggage. My advice to you is this . . . Don't even bother following up.”

2. Humor 

July 5, 2010
“Many many years ago I was on vacation someplace I can't even remember. The local newspaper had a cartoon in it. It showed a man checking in luggage in the airport. The caption underneath, which was clearly the man speaking said, "I'd like a ticket to wherever you are planning on sending my luggage!"

V.

Here in this photograph as in the Shroud of Turin you see the moment of salvation when my suitcase was returned. As with spirit photography we see the surfacing of the suitcase from the world of the dead. It is the moment of ontological transformation as LOST becomes FOUND. 

Figure 1, credit Caterina Pasquilano

Figure 1, credit Caterina Pasquilano

At the point of retrieval there was no human contact, which in Italy, land of intense human connection, kissing and hugging, speaks volumes. Instead, I showed an email to someone behind frosted glass and five minutes later through a semi-opaque door could be seen the fuzzy outline of a human figure with something like a suitcase . 

The door opened automatically. I reached in as it closed and grabbed my suitcase. There on my knees I opened it, partly to see if anything was missing, partly to become reacquainted—as it were—with my old friends. Yes! Now they were my old friends. Before they were what? Just objects. 

I held up my cotton pants aglow with the sheen of the auratic. The triangle of black space formed by the white legs of the trousers against the black t-shirt and naked thighs formed a makeshift shrine on the cold airport floor. 

The miracle of finding your lost treasures: It’s like seeing them for the first time.

Figure 2, credit Caterina Pasquilano

Figure 2, credit Caterina Pasquilano

VI.

Loss creates life in otherwise inert objects and also something more than life, what George Bataille and the Collège de Sociologie (1937-39) called “the sacred.” Relevant to my tale of the lost suitcase is the talk by Michel Leiris to the College called “The Sacred in Everyday Life.”

In this talk, Leiris focused on objects he remembered in his childhood, objects such as the household stove, La Radieuse, a cocoa advertisement, his father’s Smith and Wesson pistol,  the silks worn by jockeys at the neighboring race track, and children’s games with mishearing adult language and providing their own, made-up, names for things. Like mine, his is a list of loss and retrieval, although he does not see this. He does not see that the sacred quality he attributes to these things is first and foremost a working through of the adult’s imagination of the child’s. 

Has not the person whose bag is lost become a child, powerless in an adult world, capable if not unconsciously forced to find enchantment in lost things?   

But what status, really, has the lost yet enchanted object? It becomes, alive, you say. It becomes sacred, you say, not to mention annoying, because it’s lost. But what sort of life is this if the thing is absent and ethereal, like a phantom?

There is contagion here. Loss creates more of the same. Lost in the labyrinth of airline bureaucracy and indifference (note the unanswered seventeen phone calls in the Canadian woman’s plaint, above), we exchange one loss for another. We exchange the loss of material objects for our loss of Self. We sicken with the realization that we too have become objects, vanishable objects, like a lost suitcase. 

Loss converts objects such as underwear into subjects but recovery means that instead of returning to their blissful prelapsarian selves as mere objects, they now bathe in the glow of salvation as you see in the photograph of my pants and the ritual they automatically create. Due to loss, objects became subjects and something more that we could call “doubly subjectified” on recovery. 

There is something specially relevant to repetition and difference unfolding here. Deleuze insists that life is generated by this repetition in which difference asserts itself. The second coming is like the first, but different, too.  

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This finds a parallel with unmasking in initiation rites in so-called primitive societies. When the mask is removed or the sacred flutes unveiled, the secret is transformed, not destroyed. This is very much a theater of repetition and difference creating not only life invigorating society but  thickening the layers and force of the mystery. The revelation of the secret behind the mask amounts to a repetition of what everyone knew anyway—my uncle’s face, the bullroarer, etc.. I know that face! I always “knew it,” what do I know? I know what not to know. 

The unconcealing of the concealed–the skilled revelation of skilled concealment. Thus are religions based on theater and trickery, repetition and difference, bringing forth the trick that is life.

VII.

Loss highlights history, the history of the once was, a history in things as much as of things. The lost objects in the suitcase not only “have” histories but are history, mobile and spasmodic, multifaceted and saturated with a materiality running the fault line between the personal and the social. These are histories of accident, chance, nomadic travel, friendships, and intellectual and artistic projects in the making. 

Loss intertwines these histories of any object with the histories of the other objects suffering the communal fate of loss. We can call this an assemblage. The objects are intertwined merely by sharing the cramped confines of the lost suitcase which effects unseemly cohabitation of items lying together cheek by jowl. How do you think a camera feels being pressed up tight against colored underpants? Hito Steyerl’s essays on the “poor image,” a scallop shell from Galicia, and a white box with two donkeys and 100 dollars? Do they like each other? Do they talk to each other, and what might they be talking about? What’s it like for them in the dark at 35,000 feet in thin freezing air with the odd tremor of fear they could be on their way to loss? How come I find it easy and fun to personify my dear lost objects?

Loss lends itself to making lists and lists are as good a way as any and probably better than most as a technique for describing the world. Instead of baring your soul to the analysts determined to get to the bottom of why you lose stuff all the time, instead of searching for that theory like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, make a list! 

Actually people do this all the time: shopping lists, “to do” lists, FBI “most wanted lists,” and so forth. Too often is this classed as obsessional behavior, as a weakness, when it should be understood as a way of imbibing ontological essences. 

In my work I am charged with writing descriptions of places, people, and histories. This is shaped by an Idea or Vision even if that is not prominent and the Vision keeps changing. In most academic writing the emphasis will be on the Idea or the Vision. But as such writing proceeds, the interest of readers falls aside. Something is wrong. Every scheme, every Idea, every Vision, especially the so-called “critical” ones, get boring fast if only because so much work is done covering over the holes. Forgotten is the adage: “When in a hole, stop digging.” 

Lists step aside from this and, with a little nudging, each item in the list becomes a trapdoor into an enchanted cave. Each item, standing boldly on its own, yet part of an assemblage, acts like a button, allowing all manner of fervid description to follow. By the time you have thus itemized three or four things you have actually built a complex picture in the simplest way—which is what I discovered when, based on a drawing I made, I made a list of seventeen items in Doña Edit Villafabia Rodrigue’s house and then wrote a lengthy paragraph of things, stories, and people, that each item aroused into being. A fact is a fact, I wrote, but two facts together, Why! That’s a wasp and an orchid, by which I meant the famous assemblage developed by Deleuze and Guattari riffing off Marcel Proust’s use of this coupling to paint a picture of mimesis, sex, and gay desire. 

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With every comma and turn of phrase such lists bears the stamps of their makers. To make a list is a personal affair and by no means endorses so-called objectivity. What is more, listing is is a process of metamorphoses. As things rub shoulders with other things, cameras with donkeys, blue pants with yellow pants, so they fold into other things in flurries of transformative flux. Writing the list makes flux happen. 

It is as if the listing of loss primes mimetic fields of resonance. As an insurance agent covering loss, Kafka must have been well aware of this. The metamorphosis from person to bug, from object to subject (as with countless Kafka stories, especially that lost being in a lost world,  Odradek), generates countless mysteries in oceans of ontic flux. Things become other things and do so thanks to what Benjamin called the mimetic faculty, here activated by trauma, loss, misfortune, and witchcraft, thereby undergoing the multiplicities, transformations, and the rhizomatic quality of mimetic delirium. In other words, the innards of the suitcase amount to a constellation like the stars in the night sky, a poem of energies and the mystery of things talking to things in the darkness of their loss. 

As for the list, this vertical, enumerated, itemization, mirroring bureaucratic procedures and accountants’ charts, the point is to allow each item to blossom like Japanese paper flowers placed in water, which is Proust’s metaphor for the miracle working of mémoire involontaire. Each item cries out for and merits the stories and histories congealed within—the yellow pants bought in Cairo with Munira (what’s going on here?), the blue belt bought in Popayan (ditto), those strange blue and black trousers, the thin cotton ones from Kolkata bought with Bina (ditto, ditto), those extravagantly crazy shirts from Paris, and, let’s not forget, those sober-looking, stern and forbidding, ever loved and respected, black fieldwork notebooks coherent and incoherent, words chasing drawings, covered with a scattering of fairy dust from trails long pondered. 

“I’d like to write something that comes from things the way wine comes from grapes,” wrote Benjamin. 

VIII.

Such a mundane event as losing one’s suitcase opens the floodgates to thinking of indescribably serious losses such as Palestinians losing their land and homes and lives to the Israeli state and illegal Brooklyn settlements in the west bank or losing one’s child at the US border to the Trump administration which in turn loses them either on purpose or bureaucratic ineptitude in gaols and so-called “detention centers.” 

It also opens the floodgates to thinking of history as human suffering involving loss at its core, of magic and religion as elaborations of Lost and Found, and of positive as well as negative losses as when young Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels write as their grand finale to The Communist Manifesto,

Workers of the world unite

Your have nothing to lose but your chains

And, a century later, Janis Joplin can sing,

Freedom's just another word 
for nothin' left to lose 

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Michael Taussig began his professional life as a doctor and then became an anthropologist. He is the author of The Devil and Commodity Fetishism in South America (1980); Shamanism, Colonialism, and the Wild Man: A Study in Terror and Healing (1987); The Nervous System (1992); Mimesis and Alterity; A Particular History of the Senses (1993); The Magic of the State (1997); Defacement: Public Secrecy and the Labor of the Negative (1999); Law in a Lawless Land: Diary of a Limpieza in Colombia (2003); My Cocaine Museum (2004); Walter Benjamin’s Grave (2006); and others.

Doña Filipa y su amante

Giovanni Boccaccio

A Tale from Decameron, John William Waterhouse, 1916

A Tale from Decameron, John William Waterhouse, 1916

El marido de Doña Filipa la pesca en brazos de su amante. Filipa explica su conducta frente un juez. Por su respuesta rápida y graciosa el juez la deja libre y modifica una ley injusta.

Así lo contó Filostrato:                     

Queridas señoras, creo que es importante saber hablar bien, pero creo que es más importante saber cuando hacerlo. Así hizo Doña Filipa--una señora muy noble y una muy buena amiga mía. Por saber qué decir y cuándo decirlo, Filipa se salvó de una muerte casi inminente y de paso, nos mató de la risa.

En la ciudad de Prato existía una ley severa e injusta. De acuerdo con esta ley, cualquier mujer encontrada siéndole infiel a su esposo sería quemada. Filipa, una señora noble y hermosa de la ciudad Prato, fue pescada en brazos de Lazzarino, un joven noble y hermoso de la misma ciudad. Quién los encontró fue nada más ni nada menos que su esposo, Rinaldo. Enfurecido, Rinaldo se lanzó encima de los enamorados e intentó matarlos.

Como no fue capaz de matar a su mujer con sus propias manos, pero de todos modos quería verla muerta, Rinaldo acudió a la ley, que haría todo lo que él no pudo hacer. Como era de apellido Pugliesi tenía muchas conexiones y consiguió suficientes testimonios para probar a Filipa culpable. Al llegar la mañana, la acusó. Pero Filipa andaba feliz, como andan las personas enamoradas, y decidió ignorar los consejos de sus amigos y familiares y optó confesar todo su amorío. Prefirió morir con valentía a huir con cobardía. Prefirió ser condenada por la ley a declararse inocente y negar el inmenso amor que sentía por Lazzarino.

Estando en la corte, se paró frente al juez y le preguntó con firmeza: ¿Qué quiere de mí? El juez, viéndola hermosísima y de buen ánimo, sintió compasión por ella. Temió que Filipa confesara su crimen, y que, al hacerlo, perjudicara su reputación y precipitara su muerte. Pero no pudo dejar de preguntarle acerca de los detalles de su acusación y le dijo:                                      

—Señora, como puede ver, aquí está Rinaldo, su marido. Él dice que anoche la encontró con otro hombre. Según la ley 145 del decreto 24 de la constitución de 1343, yo debo castigarlos y el castigo debe ser fulminante, es decir, mortal. Pero yo no puedo sentenciarla a muerte si usted no confiesa primero. Por eso piense mucho su respuesta y déjenos saber si es o no culpable del crimen del que está siendo acusada.                                         

Filipa, sin una gota de cobardía y con una voz sumamente tranquila, le respondió al juez:

—Señor juez, es verdad que Rinaldo es mi marido. También es verdad que anoche me encontró en brazos de Lazzarino, brazos en los que he estado muchas veces, pues Lazzarino y yo nos amamos y no lo voy a negar. Pero, como usted sabe, las leyes deben aplicarse a todos por igual y deben estar hechas con el consentimiento de todos aquellos a quienes afectan. Esta ley solo afecta a las mujeres y cuando se aprobó, jamás fue autorizada o reconocida por alguna. Supongo que esto no la hace una ley propiamente válida. Y si usted quiere seguir aplicando esta injusta ley, esto recaerá en su propia conciencia.

 —Antes de que decida cualquier cosa —continuó Filipa— le ruego que me conceda el siguiente favor, pregúntele a mi marido cuántas veces le dí mi cuerpo y mi tiempo cuando él así lo quiso.

Rinaldo, sin esperar a que el juez le hiciera la pregunta, respondió que, sin duda alguna, su mujer siempre había aceptado estar con él todas las veces y en todos los lugares en los que él así lo quiso.                                            

—Entonces, señor Juez —siguió la señora— yo le pregunto a Rinaldo lo siguiente, si él me ha tomado siempre que lo ha necesitado y si además le ha gustado, ¿qué debía hacer yo con lo que me sobraba? ¿Debía arrojárselo a los perros? ¿No es mucho mejor servírselo a un hombre noble que me ama más que a si mismo que dejar que todo eso se pierda o estropee?

Todo el público pratense que estaba reunido en la corte se echó a reír al oír su respuesta y empezaron a gritar que la señora tenía la razón. Antes de que se fueran todos de la corte, y después de concederle a Filipa su libertad, el juez modificó la ley. Rinaldo se fue del tribunal bastante confundido por el extraño e inesperado resultado. Filipa, libre y alegre, volvió a su casa llena de gloria. 

*Adaptado al español por Laura Steiner y Camila Vélez

El banquete en el pinar, Sandro Botticelli, 1483

El banquete en el pinar, Sandro Botticelli, 1483

Giovanni Bocaccio (1313-1375) fue un poeta y estudioso italiano. Es el famoso autor del Decameron, una colección fundacional de cuentos italianos hartamente vulgares.

Fumigating the Faggots from Above

An Ode to Marta Lucía Ramírez Blanco, Vice President of the Nation

Jaime Diez

Ignacio Gómez Jaramillo, Autorretrato, 1935

Ignacio Gómez Jaramillo, Autorretrato, 1935

Imagine for a second that you live in a country in which it is illegal to be gay. But this particular country has its cosmopolitan side too, so it’s no surprise that some people fight back against the party line. At a party for intellectuals, a woman rocks back and forth on the heels of her pristine purple Doc Martens: “You have to understand that this is a pretty conservative place. But fuck that. The faggots are people too. You’ll try and talk them out of it, maybe. But spraying poison on them from an airplane… fuck me, fuck me.” A long pause as she continues to rocks back and forth. “It’s too much.”

The minister is having none of it. “You can’t understand,” she says in the newspaper. “Fumigating them was the only way to make sure.”

Many years later, we are unsurprised when the national dailies splash the headline that the minster is, herself, gay. There is nothing surprising there. Most of the faggots who were crop-dusted back then are long ago dead and buried in shallow graves. A few of them are still with us, but almost all of those who are still alive, it seems, are wrestling in silence with one cancer or another. They are certainly too sick to tend to their crops. The statute of limitation for what some have called the crime of their killing is up. The minister danced behind sequined doors, all those years ago. And now she remembers nothing. Dancing salsa with the faggots on a sticky dance floor, nothing. Hung over the next day, ordering the chemicals sprayed down in a gentle mist on the dancers from the night before. Absolutely nothing.

Ignacio Gómez Jaramillo, Colombia Llora a un Estudiante, 1958

Ignacio Gómez Jaramillo, Colombia Llora a un Estudiante, 1958

Jaime Diez is one of the most celebrated young poets currently working in Wellington, New Zealand.

Ignacio Gómez Jaramillo was a Colombian painter and muralist. He was born in Medellín in 1910. He was one of the most important colombian visual artists of the 20th century. He was co-founder of the Colombo-Soviet Cultural Institute.

Rapunzel

Brothers Grimm

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There were once a man and a woman who had long in vain wished for a child. These people had a little window at the back of their house from which a splendid garden could be seen, which was full of the most beautiful flowers and herbs. It was, however, surrounded by a high wall, and no one dared to go into it because it belonged to an enchantress, who had great power and was dreaded by all.

One day the woman was standing by this window and looking down into the garden, when she saw a bed which was planted with the most beautiful rampion--a Rapunzel plant. It looked so fresh and green that she longed for it, and had the greatest desire to eat it. This desire increased every day, and as she knew that she could not get any of it, she pined away, and began to look pale and miserable.

Lace, Flemish, early 18th century

Lace, Flemish, early 18th century

Then her husband was alarmed, and asked, "What ails you, dear wife?"

"Ah," she replied, "if I can't eat some of the rampion, which is in the garden behind our house, I will die."

The man, who loved her, thought, sooner than let your wife die, bring her some of the rampion. At twilight, he clambered down over the wall into the garden of the enchantress, clutched a handful of rampion, and took it to his wife. She made herself a salad of it, and ate it greedily. It tasted so good to her--so very good, that the next day she longed for it three times as much as before. If he was to have any peace, her husband must once more descend into the garden. In the gloom of evening, he let himself down again. But when he had climbed down the wall, he saw the enchantress standing before him.

"How can you dare," said she with an angry look, "descend into my garden and steal my rampion like a thief? You shall suffer for it."

"Please" he answered, "I only made up my mind to do it out of necessity. My wife saw your rampion from the window, and felt such a longing for it that she would have died if she had not gotten some to eat."

Then the enchantress allowed her anger to be softened, and said to him, "If the case be as you say, I will allow you to take away with you as much rampion as you will, only I make one condition, you must give me the child which your wife will bring into the world. It shall be well treated, and I will care for it like a mother."

The man in his terror consented to everything, and when the woman gave birth, the enchantress appeared at once. She gave the child the name of Rapunzel, and took it away with her.

Lace, Flemish, 1725

Lace, Flemish, 1725

Rapunzel grew into the most beautiful child under the sun. When she was twelve years old, the enchantress shut her into a tower, which lay in a forest, and had neither stairs nor door, but quite at the top was a little window. When the enchantress wanted to go in, she placed herself beneath it and cried,

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,Let down your hair!"

Rapunzel had magnificent long hair, fine as spun gold, and when she heard the voice of the enchantress she unfastened her braided tresses, and let her hair fall down, and the enchantress climbed up by it.

After a year or two, the king's son rode through the forest and passed by the tower. Then he heard a song, which was so charming that he stood still and listened. This was Rapunzel, who in her solitude passed her time letting her sweet voice resound. The king's son wanted to climb up to her, and looked for the door of the tower, but there wasn’t one. He rode home, but the singing had so deeply touched his heart, that every day he went out into the forest and listened to it. Once when he was thus standing behind a tree, he saw the enchantress and heard her cry.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,Let down your hair!"

Then Rapunzel let down the braids of her hair, and the enchantress climbed up to her. "If that is the ladder by which one mounts, I too will try my fortune," said he, and the next day when it began to grow dark, he went to the tower and cried,

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,Let down your hair!"

Immediately the hair fell down and the king's son climbed up. At first Rapunzel was terribly frightened when a man, such as her eyes had never yet beheld, came to her. But the king's son began to talk to her quite like a friend, and told her that his heart had been so stirred that it had let him have no rest, and he had been forced to see her. Then Rapunzel lost her fear, and when he asked her if she would take him for her husband, and she saw that he was young and handsome, she thought, he will love me more than old enchantress. And she said yes, and laid her hand in his.

She said, "I will willingly go away with you, but I do not know how to get down. Bring with you a skein of silk every time that you come, and I will weave a ladder with it, and when that is ready I will descend, and you will take me on your horse."

Lace, Flemish, early 18th century

Lace, Flemish, early 18th century

They agreed that until that time he should come to her every evening, for the old woman came by day.

The enchantress remarked nothing of this, until once Rapunzel said to her, "Tell me, Dame Gothel, how it happens that you are so much heavier for me to draw up than the young king's son - he is with me in a moment."

"Ah! You wicked child," cried the enchantress. "What do I hear you say. I thought I had separated you from all the world, and yet you have deceived me."

In her anger she clutched Rapunzel's beautiful tresses, wrapped them twice round her left hand, seized a pair of scissors with the right, and snip, snap, she cut them off. The lovely braids lay on the ground. And she was so pitiless that she took poor Rapunzel into a desert where she had to live in great grief and misery.

On the same day that she cast out Rapunzel, however, the enchantress fastened the braids of hair, which she had cut off, to the hook of the window, and when the king's son came and cried,

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel,Let down your hair!"

Lace, Flemish, 1725

Lace, Flemish, 1725

She let the hair down. The king's son ascended, but instead of finding his dearest Rapunzel, he found the enchantress, who gazed at him with wicked and venomous looks.

"Aha," she cried mockingly, "you would fetch your dearest, but the beautiful bird sits no longer singing in the nest. The cat has got it, and will scratch out your eyes as well. Rapunzel is lost to you. You will never see her again."

The king's son was beside himself with pain, and in his despair he leapt down from the tower. He escaped with his life, but the thorns into which he fell pierced his eyes. Then he wandered blind about the forest, ate nothing but roots and berries, and did naught but lament and weep over the loss of his dearest wife.

Thus he roamed about in misery for some years, and at length came to the desert where Rapunzel, with the twins to which she had given birth, a boy and a girl, lived in wretchedness. He heard a voice, and it seemed so familiar to him that he went towards it, and when he approached, Rapunzel knew him and fell on his neck and wept. Two of her tears wetted his eyes and they grew clear again, and he could see with them as before. He led her to his kingdom where he was joyfully received, and they lived for a long time afterwards, happy and contented.

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Wilhelm Carl and Jacob Ludwig Karl Grimm were German folklorists who published their Children's and Household Tales over two volumes in 1812 and 1815. That collection contained retellings of popular folk-tales that have since become known and loved by children all over the world, including "Cinderella," "Hansel and Gretel," "Snow White" and "Rapunzel."

El almohadón de plumas

Horacio Quiroga

Walter Crane, Beauty and the Beast Having Tea, 1875

Walter Crane, Beauty and the Beast Having Tea, 1875

Su luna de miel fue un largo escalofrío. Rubia, angelical y tímida, el carácter duro de su marido heló sus soñadas niñerías de novia. Lo quería mucho, sin embargo, a veces con un ligero estremecimiento cuando volviendo de noche juntos por la calle, echaba una furtiva mirada a la alta estatura de Jordán, mudo desde hacía una hora. Él, por su parte, la amaba profundamente, sin darlo a conocer.

Durante tres meses —se habían casado en abril— vivieron una dicha especial. Sin duda hubiera ella deseado menos severidad en ese rígido cielo de amor, más expansiva e incauta ternura; pero el impasible semblante de su marido la contenía siempre.

La casa en que vivían influía un poco en sus estremecimientos. La blancura del patio silencioso —frisos, columnas y estatuas de mármol— producía una otoñal impresión de palacio encantado. Dentro, el brillo glacial del estuco, sin el más leve rasguño en las altas paredes, afirmaba aquella sensación de desapacible frío. Al cruzar de una pieza a otra, los pasos hallaban eco en toda la casa, como si un largo abandono hubiera sensibilizado su resonancia.

En ese extraño nido de amor, Alicia pasó todo el otoño. No obstante, había concluido por echar un velo sobre sus antiguos sueños, y aún vivía dormida en la casa hostil, sin querer pensar en nada hasta que llegaba su marido.

No es raro que adelgazara. Tuvo un ligero ataque de influenza que se arrastró insidiosamente días y días; Alicia no se reponía nunca. Al fin una tarde pudo salir al jardín apoyada en el brazo de él. Miraba indiferente a uno y otro lado. De pronto Jordán, con honda ternura, le pasó la mano por la cabeza, y Alicia rompió en seguida en sollozos, echándole los brazos al cuello. Lloró largamente todo su espanto callado, redoblando el llanto a la menor tentativa de caricia. Luego los sollozos fueron retardándose, y aún quedó largo rato escondida en su cuello, sin moverse ni decir una palabra.

Fue ese el último día que Alicia estuvo levantada. Al día siguiente amaneció desvanecida. El médico de Jordán la examinó con suma atención, ordenándole calma y descanso absolutos.

—No sé —le dijo a Jordán en la puerta de calle, con la voz todavía baja—. Tiene una gran debilidad que no me explico, y sin vómitos, nada.. . Si mañana se despierta como hoy, llámeme enseguida.

Walter Crane, Beauty With Animals as Attendants, 1875

Walter Crane, Beauty With Animals as Attendants, 1875

Al otro día Alicia seguía peor. Hubo consulta. Constatóse una anemia de marcha agudísima, completamente inexplicable. Alicia no tuvo más desmayos, pero se iba visiblemente a la muerte. Todo el día el dormitorio estaba con las luces prendidas y en pleno silencio. Pasábanse horas sin oír el menor ruido. Alicia dormitaba. Jordán vivía casi en la sala, también con toda la luz encendida. Paseábase sin cesar de un extremo a otro, con incansable obstinación. La alfombra ahogaba sus pesos. A ratos entraba en el dormitorio y proseguía su mudo vaivén a lo largo de la cama, mirando a su mujer cada vez que caminaba en su dirección.

Pronto Alicia comenzó a tener alucinaciones, confusas y flotantes al principio, y que descendieron luego a ras del suelo. La joven, con los ojos desmesuradamente abiertos, no hacía sino mirar la alfombra a uno y otro lado del respaldo de la cama. Una noche se quedó de repente mirando fijamente. Al rato abrió la boca para gritar, y sus narices y labios se perlaron de sudor.

—¡Jordán! ¡Jordán! —clamó, rígida de espanto, sin dejar de mirar la alfombra.

Jordán corrió al dormitorio, y al verlo aparecer Alicia dio un alarido de horror.

—¡Soy yo, Alicia, soy yo!

Alicia lo miró con extravió, miró la alfombra, volvió a mirarlo, y después de largo rato de estupefacta confrontación, se serenó. Sonrió y tomó entre las suyas la mano de su marido, acariciándola temblando.

Entre sus alucinaciones más porfiadas, hubo un antropoide, apoyado en la alfombra sobre los dedos, que tenía fijos en ella los ojos.

Los médicos volvieron inútilmente. Había allí delante de ellos una vida que se acababa, desangrándose día a día, hora a hora, sin saber absolutamente cómo. En la última consulta Alicia yacía en estupor mientras ellos la pulsaban, pasándose de uno a otro la muñeca inerte. La observaron largo rato en silencio y siguieron al comedor.

—Pst... —se encogió de hombros desalentado su médico—. Es un caso serio... poco hay que hacer...

—¡Sólo eso me faltaba! —resopló Jordán. Y tamborileó bruscamente sobre la mesa.

Walter Crane, The Frog Prince, 1873

Walter Crane, The Frog Prince, 1873

Alicia fue extinguiéndose en su delirio de anemia, agravado de tarde, pero que remitía siempre en las primeras horas. Durante el día no avanzaba su enfermedad, pero cada mañana amanecía lívida, en síncope casi. Parecía que únicamente de noche se le fuera la vida en nuevas alas de sangre. Tenía siempre al despertar la sensación de estar desplomada en la cama con un millón de kilos encima. Desde el tercer día este hundimiento no la abandonó más. Apenas podía mover la cabeza. No quiso que le tocaran la cama, ni aún que le arreglaran el almohadón. Sus terrores crepusculares avanzaron en forma de monstruos que se arrastraban hasta la cama y trepaban dificultosamente por la colcha.

Perdió luego el conocimiento. Los dos días finales deliró sin cesar a media voz. Las luces continuaban fúnebremente encendidas en el dormitorio y la sala. En el silencio agónico de la casa, no se oía más que el delirio monótono que salía de la cama, y el rumor ahogado de los eternos pasos de Jordán.

Murió, por fin. La sirvienta, que entró después a deshacer la cama, sola ya, miró un rato extrañada el almohadón.

—¡Señor! —llamó a Jordán en voz baja—. En el almohadón hay manchas que parecen de sangre.

Jordán se acercó rápidamente y se dobló a su vez. Efectivamente, sobre la funda, a ambos lados del hueco que había dejado la cabeza de Alicia, se veían manchitas oscuras.

—Parecen picaduras —murmuró la sirvienta después de un rato de inmóvil observación.

—Levántelo a la luz —le dijo Jordán.

La sirvienta lo levantó, pero enseguida lo dejó caer, y se quedó mirando a aquél, lívida y temblando. Sin saber por qué, Jordán sintió que los cabellos se le erizaban.

—¿Qué hay?—murmuró con la voz ronca.

—Pesa mucho —articuló la sirvienta, sin dejar de temblar.

Jordán lo levantó; pesaba extraordinariamente. Salieron con él, y sobre la mesa del comedor Jordán cortó funda y envoltura de un tajo. Las plumas superiores volaron, y la sirvienta dio un grito de horror con toda la boca abierta, llevándose las manos crispadas a los bandós: —sobre el fondo, entre las plumas, moviendo lentamente las patas velludas, había un animal monstruoso, una bola viviente y viscosa. Estaba tan hinchado que apenas se le pronunciaba la boca.

Noche a noche, desde que Alicia había caído en cama, había aplicado sigilosamente su boca —su trompa, mejor dicho— a las sienes de aquélla, chupándole la sangre. La picadura era casi imperceptible. La remoción diaria del almohadón habría impedido sin duda su desarrollo, pero desde que la joven no pudo moverse, la succión fue vertiginosa. En cinco días, en cinco noches, había vaciado a Alicia.

***

Estos parásitos de las aves, diminutos en el medio habitual, llegan a adquirir en ciertas condiciones proporciones enormes. La sangre humana parece serles particularmente favorable, y no es raro hallarlos en los almohadones de plumas.

dragon.jpeg

Horacio Quiroga nació en Salto, Uruguay en 1878. La lucha del hombre contra la naturelaza—trópical e inclemente—definió su obra. Destacable también es su representación vanguardista de enfermedades mentales y estados alucinantes, Su cuento el “Almohadón de plumas,” hace parte de la colección Cuentos de amor, de locura y de muerte (1917). Quiroga se suicidó en 1937. Se tomó un vaso de cianuro a los 58 años de edad.

Walter Crane was born in Liverpool in 1845. He is considered to be the most influential, and among the most prolific, children's book illustrators of his generation. He died in Horsham in 1845.

Casa Tomada

Julio Cortázar

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Nos gustaba la casa porque aparte de espaciosa y antigua (hoy que las casas antiguas sucumben a la más ventajosa liquidación de sus materiales) guardaba los recuerdos de nuestros bisabuelos, el abuelo paterno, nuestros padres y toda la infancia.

Nos habituamos Irene y yo a persistir solos en ella, lo que era una locura pues en esa casa podían vivir ocho personas sin estorbarse. Hacíamos la limpieza por la mañana, levantándonos a las siete, y a eso de las once yo le dejaba a Irene las últimas habitaciones por repasar y me iba a la cocina. Almorzábamos al mediodía, siempre puntuales; ya no quedaba nada por hacer fuera de unos platos sucios. Nos resultaba grato almorzar pensando en la casa profunda y silenciosa y cómo nos bastábamos para mantenerla limpia. A veces llegábamos a creer que era ella la que no nos dejó casarnos. Irene rechazó dos pretendientes sin mayor motivo, a mí se me murió María Esther antes que llegáramos a comprometernos. Entramos en los cuarenta años con la inexpresada idea de que el nuestro, simple y silencioso matrimonio de hermanos, era necesaria clausura de la genealogía asentada por nuestros bisabuelos en nuestra casa. Nos moriríamos allí algún día, vagos y esquivos primos se quedarían con la casa y la echarían al suelo para enriquecerse con el terreno y los ladrillos; o mejor, nosotros mismos la voltearíamos justicieramente antes de que fuese demasiado tarde.

Irene era una chica nacida para no molestar a nadie. Aparte de su actividad matinal se pasaba el resto del día tejiendo en el sofá de su dormitorio. No sé por qué tejía tanto, yo creo que las mujeres tejen cuando han encontrado en esa labor el gran pretexto para no hacer nada. Irene no era así, tejía cosas siempre necesarias, tricotas para el invierno, medias para mí, mañanitas y chalecos para ella. A veces tejía un chaleco y después lo destejía en un momento porque algo no le agradaba; era gracioso ver en la canastilla el montón de lana encrespada resistiéndose a perder su forma de algunas horas. Los sábados iba yo al centro a comprarle lana; Irene tenía fe en mi gusto, se complacía con los colores y nunca tuve que devolver madejas. Yo aprovechaba esas salidas para dar una vuelta por las librerías y preguntar vanamente si había novedades en literatura francesa. Desde 1939 no llegaba nada valioso a la Argentina.

Pero es de la casa que me interesa hablar, de la casa y de Irene, porque yo no tengo importancia. Me pregunto qué hubiera hecho Irene sin el tejido. Uno puede releer un libro, pero cuando un pullover está terminado no se puede repetirlo sin escándalo. Un día encontré el cajón de abajo de la cómoda de alcanfor lleno de pañoletas blancas, verdes, lila. Estaban con naftalina, apiladas como en una mercería; no tuve valor para preguntarle a Irene qué pensaba hacer con ellas. No necesitábamos ganarnos la vida, todos los meses llegaba plata de los campos y el dinero aumentaba. Pero a Irene solamente la entretenía el tejido, mostraba una destreza maravillosa y a mí se me iban las horas viéndole las manos como erizos plateados, agujas yendo y viniendo y una o dos canastillas en el suelo donde se agitaban constantemente los ovillos. Era hermoso.

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Cómo no acordarme de la distribución de la casa. El comedor, una sala con gobelinos, la biblioteca y tres dormitorios grandes quedaban en la parte más retirada, la que mira hacia Rodríguez Peña. Solamente un pasillo con su maciza puerta de roble aislaba esa parte del ala delantera donde había un baño, la cocina, nuestros dormitorios y el living central, al cual comunicaban los dormitorios y el pasillo. Se entraba a la casa por un zaguán con mayólica, y la puerta cancel daba al living. De manera que uno entraba por el zaguán, abría la cancel y pasaba al living; tenía a los lados las puertas de nuestros dormitorios, y al frente el pasillo que conducía a la parte más retirada; avanzando por el pasillo se franqueaba la puerta de roble y mas allá empezaba el otro lado de la casa, o bien se podía girar a la izquierda justamente antes de la puerta y seguir por un pasillo más estrecho que llevaba a la cocina y el baño. Cuando la puerta estaba abierta advertía uno que la casa era muy grande; si no, daba la impresión de un departamento de los que se edifican ahora, apenas para moverse; Irene y yo vivíamos siempre en esta parte de la casa, casi nunca íbamos más allá de la puerta de roble, salvo para hacer la limpieza, pues es increíble cómo se junta tierra en los muebles. Buenos Aires será una ciudad limpia, pero eso lo debe a sus habitantes y no a otra cosa. Hay demasiada tierra en el aire, apenas sopla una ráfaga se palpa el polvo en los mármoles de las consolas y entre los rombos de las carpetas de macramé; da trabajo sacarlo bien con plumero, vuela y se suspende en el aire, un momento después se deposita de nuevo en los muebles y los pianos.

Lo recordaré siempre con claridad porque fue simple y sin circunstancias inútiles. Irene estaba tejiendo en su dormitorio, eran las ocho de la noche y de repente se me ocurrió poner al fuego la pavita del mate. Fui por el pasillo hasta enfrentar la entornada puerta de roble, y daba la vuelta al codo que llevaba a la cocina cuando escuché algo en el comedor o en la biblioteca. El sonido venía impreciso y sordo, como un volcarse de silla sobre la alfombra o un ahogado susurro de conversación. También lo oí, al mismo tiempo o un segundo después, en el fondo del pasillo que traía desde aquellas piezas hasta la puerta. Me tiré contra la pared antes de que fuera demasiado tarde, la cerré de golpe apoyando el cuerpo; felizmente la llave estaba puesta de nuestro lado y además corrí el gran cerrojo para más seguridad.

Fui a la cocina, calenté la pavita, y cuando estuve de vuelta con la bandeja del mate le dije a Irene:

-Tuve que cerrar la puerta del pasillo. Han tomado parte del fondo.

Dejó caer el tejido y me miró con sus graves ojos cansados.

-¿Estás seguro?

Asentí.

-Entonces -dijo recogiendo las agujas- tendremos que vivir en este lado.

Yo cebaba el mate con mucho cuidado, pero ella tardó un rato en reanudar su labor. Me acuerdo que me tejía un chaleco gris; a mí me gustaba ese chaleco.

Los primeros días nos pareció penoso porque ambos habíamos dejado en la parte tomada muchas cosas que queríamos. Mis libros de literatura francesa, por ejemplo, estaban todos en la biblioteca. Irene pensó en una botella de Hesperidina de muchos años. Con frecuencia (pero esto solamente sucedió los primeros días) cerrábamos algún cajón de las cómodas y nos mirábamos con tristeza.

-No está aquí.

Y era una cosa más de todo lo que habíamos perdido al otro lado de la casa.

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Pero también tuvimos ventajas. La limpieza se simplificó tanto que aun levantándose tardísimo, a las nueve y media por ejemplo, no daban las once y ya estábamos de brazos cruzados. Irene se acostumbró a ir conmigo a la cocina y ayudarme a preparar el almuerzo. Lo pensamos bien, y se decidió esto: mientras yo preparaba el almuerzo, Irene cocinaría platos para comer fríos de noche. Nos alegramos porque siempre resultaba molesto tener que abandonar los dormitorios al atardecer y ponerse a cocinar. Ahora nos bastaba con la mesa en el dormitorio de Irene y las fuentes de comida fiambre.

Irene estaba contenta porque le quedaba más tiempo para tejer. Yo andaba un poco perdido a causa de los libros, pero por no afligir a mi hermana me puse a revisar la colección de estampillas de papá, y eso me sirvió para matar el tiempo. Nos divertíamos mucho, cada uno en sus cosas, casi siempre reunidos en el dormitorio de Irene que era más cómodo. A veces Irene decía:

-Fijate este punto que se me ha ocurrido. ¿No da un dibujo de trébol?

Un rato después era yo el que le ponía ante los ojos un cuadradito de papel para que viese el mérito de algún sello de Eupen y Malmédy. Estábamos bien, y poco a poco empezábamos a no pensar. Se puede vivir sin pensar.

(Cuando Irene soñaba en alta voz yo me desvelaba en seguida. Nunca pude habituarme a esa voz de estatua o papagayo, voz que viene de los sueños y no de la garganta. Irene decía que mis sueños consistían en grandes sacudones que a veces hacían caer el cobertor. Nuestros dormitorios tenían el living de por medio, pero de noche se escuchaba cualquier cosa en la casa. Nos oíamos respirar, toser, presentíamos el ademán que conduce a la llave del velador, los mutuos y frecuentes insomnios.

Aparte de eso todo estaba callado en la casa. De día eran los rumores domésticos, el roce metálico de las agujas de tejer, un crujido al pasar las hojas del álbum filatélico. La puerta de roble, creo haberlo dicho, era maciza. En la cocina y el baño, que quedaban tocando la parte tomada, nos poníamos a hablar en voz más alta o Irene cantaba canciones de cuna. En una cocina hay demasiados ruidos de loza y vidrios para que otros sonidos irrumpan en ella. Muy pocas veces permitíamos allí el silencio, pero cuando tornábamos a los dormitorios y al living, entonces la casa se ponía callada y a media luz, hasta pisábamos despacio para no molestarnos. Yo creo que era por eso que de noche, cuando Irene empezaba a soñar en alta voz, me desvelaba en seguida.)

Es casi repetir lo mismo salvo las consecuencias. De noche siento sed, y antes de acostarnos le dije a Irene que iba hasta la cocina a servirme un vaso de agua. Desde la puerta del dormitorio (ella tejía) oí ruido en la cocina; tal vez en la cocina o tal vez en el baño porque el codo del pasillo apagaba el sonido. A Irene le llamó la atención mi brusca manera de detenerme, y vino a mi lado sin decir palabra. Nos quedamos escuchando los ruidos, notando claramente que eran de este lado de la puerta de roble, en la cocina y el baño, o en el pasillo mismo donde empezaba el codo casi al lado nuestro.

No nos miramos siquiera. Apreté el brazo de Irene y la hice correr conmigo hasta la puerta cancel, sin volvernos hacia atrás. Los ruidos se oían más fuerte pero siempre sordos, a espaldas nuestras. Cerré de un golpe la cancel y nos quedamos en el zaguán. Ahora no se oía nada.

-Han tomado esta parte -dijo Irene. El tejido le colgaba de las manos y las hebras iban hasta la cancel y se perdían debajo. Cuando vio que los ovillos habían quedado del otro lado, soltó el tejido sin mirarlo.

-¿Tuviste tiempo de traer alguna cosa? -le pregunté inútilmente.

-No, nada.

Estábamos con lo puesto. Me acordé de los quince mil pesos en el armario de mi dormitorio. Ya era tarde ahora.

Como me quedaba el reloj pulsera, vi que eran las once de la noche. Rodeé con mi brazo la cintura de Irene (yo creo que ella estaba llorando) y salimos así a la calle. Antes de alejarnos tuve lástima, cerré bien la puerta de entrada y tiré la llave a la alcantarilla. No fuese que a algún pobre diablo se le ocurriera robar y se metiera en la casa, a esa hora y con la casa tomada.

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Julio Cortázar nació en Buenos Aires en 1914. Sus cuentos cortos le brindaron fama mundial. En 1945, recién despertado por una pesadilla, escribió Casa Tomada en una sola sentada. Tradujo la obra de el cuentista estadounidense, Edgar Alan Poe—cuyo cuento “El Barril de Amontillado” también aparecerá en este volumen. Murió en Paris, en 1984.

The Cask of Amontillado

Edgar Allan Poe 

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The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged; this was a point definitely, settled --but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong. It must be understood that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good will. I continued, as was my in to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my to smile now was at the thought of his immolation.

He had a weak point --this Fortunato --although in other regards he was a man to be respected and even feared. He prided himself on his connoisseurship in wine. Few Italians have the true virtuoso spirit. For the most part their enthusiasm is adopted to suit the time and opportunity, to practise imposture upon the British and Austrian millionaires. In painting and gemmary, Fortunato, like his countrymen, was a quack, but in the matter of old wines he was sincere. In this respect I did not differ from him materially; --I was skilful in the Italian vintages myself, and bought largely whenever I could. It was about dusk, one evening during the supreme madness of the carnival season, that I encountered my friend. He accosted me with excessive warmth, for he had been drinking much. The man wore motley. He had on a tight-fitting parti-striped dress, and his head was surmounted by the conical cap and bells. I was so pleased to see him that I thought I should never have done wringing his hand. I said to him --"My dear Fortunato, you are luckily met. How remarkably well you are looking to-day. But I have received a pipeof what passes for Amontillado, and I have my doubts."

"How?" said he. "Amontillado, A pipe? Impossible! And in the middle of the carnival!""I have my doubts," I replied; "and I was silly enough to pay the full Amontillado price without consulting you in the matter. You were not to be found, and I was fearful of losing a bargain." "Amontillado!" "I have my doubts." "Amontillado!" "And I must satisfy them." "Amontillado!" "As you are engaged, I am on my way to Luchresi. If any one has a critical turn it is he. He will tell me --" "Luchresi cannot tell Amontillado from Sherry." "And yet some fools will have it that his taste is a match for your own. "Come, let us go." "Whither?" "To your vaults." "My friend, no; I will not impose upon your good nature. I perceive you have an engagement. Luchresi--" "I have no engagement; --come." "My friend, no. It is not the engagement, but the severe cold with which I perceive you are afflicted. The vaults are insufferably damp. They are encrusted with nitre." "Let us go, nevertheless. The cold is merely nothing. Amontillado! You have been imposed upon. And as for Luchresi, he cannot distinguish Sherry from Amontillado." Thus speaking, Fortunato possessed himself of my arm; and putting on a mask of black silk and drawing a roquelaire closely about my person, I suffered him to hurry me to my palazzo.

There were no attendants at home; they had absconded to make merry in honour of the time. I had told them that I should not return until the morning, and had given them explicit orders not to stir from the house. These orders were sufficient, I well knew, to insure their immediate disappearance, one and all, as soon as my back was turned. I took from their sconces two flambeaux, and giving one to Fortunato, bowed him through several suites of rooms to the archway that led into the vaults. I passed down a long and winding staircase, requesting him to be cautious as he followed. We came at length to the foot of the descent, and stood together upon the damp ground of the catacombs of the Montresors. The gait of my friend was unsteady, and the bells upon his cap jingled as he strode. "The pipe," he said. "It is farther on," said I; "but observe the white web-work which gleams from these cavern walls." He turned towards me, and looked into my eves with two filmy orbs that distilled the rheum of intoxication.

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"Nitre?" he asked, at length. "Nitre," I replied. "How long have you had that cough?" "Ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh!" My poor friend found it impossible to reply for many minutes. "It is nothing," he said, at last. "Come," I said, with decision, "we will go back; your health is precious. You are rich, respected, admired, beloved; you are happy, as once I was. You are a man to be missed. For me it is no matter. We will go back; you will be ill, and I cannot be responsible. Besides, there is Luchresi --" "Enough," he said; "the cough's a mere nothing; it will not kill me. I shall not die of a cough." "True --true," I replied; "and, indeed, I had no intention of alarming you unnecessarily --but you should use all proper caution. A draught of this Medoc will defend us from the damps. Here I knocked off the neck of a bottle which I drew from a long row of its fellows that lay upon the mould.

"Drink," I said, presenting him the wine. He raised it to his lips with a leer. He paused and nodded to me familiarly, while his bells jingled. "I drink," he said, "to the buried that repose around us." "And I to your long life." He again took my arm, and we proceeded. "These vaults," he said, "are extensive." "The Montresors," I replied, "were a great and numerous family." "I forget your arms." "A huge human foot d'or, in a field azure; the foot crushes a serpent rampant whose fangs are imbedded in the heel." "And the motto?" "Nemo me impune lacessit." "Good!" he said. The wine sparkled in his eyes and the bells jingled. My own fancy grew warm with the Medoc. We had passed through long walls of piled skeletons, with casks and puncheons intermingling, into the inmost recesses of the catacombs. I paused again, and this time I made bold to seize Fortunato by an arm above the elbow.

"The nitre!" I said; "see, it increases. It hangs like moss upon the vaults. We are below the river's bed. The drops of moisture trickle among the bones. Come, we will go back ere it is too late. Your cough --" "It is nothing," he said; "let us go on. But first, another draught of the Medoc." I broke and reached him a flagon of De Grave. He emptied it at a breath. His eyes flashed with a fierce light. He laughed and threw the bottle upwards with a gesticulation I did not understand. I looked at him in surprise. He repeated the movement --a grotesque one. "You do not comprehend?" he said. "Not I," I replied. "Then you are not of the brotherhood." "How?" "You are not of the masons." "Yes, yes," I said; "yes, yes." "You? Impossible! A mason?" "A mason," I replied. "A sign," he said, "a sign." "It is this," I answered, producing from beneath the folds of my roquelaire a trowel. "You jest," he exclaimed, recoiling a few paces. "But let us proceed to the Amontillado.""Be it so," I said, replacing the tool beneath the cloak and again offering him my arm. He leaned upon it heavily. We continued our route in search of the Amontillado. We passed through a range of low arches, descended, passed on, and descending again, arrived at a deep crypt, in which the foulness of the air caused our flambeaux rather to glow than flame.

At the most remote end of the crypt there appeared another less spacious. Its walls had been lined with human remains, piled to the vault overhead, in the fashion of the great catacombs of Paris. Three sides of this interior crypt were still ornamented in this manner. From the fourth side the bones had been thrown down, and lay promiscuously upon the earth, forming at one point a mound of some size. Within the wall thus exposed by the displacing of the bones, we perceived a still interior crypt or recess, in depth about four feet, in width three, in height six or seven. It seemed to have been constructed for no especial use within itself, but formed merely the interval between two of the colossal supports of the roof of the catacombs, and was backed by one of their circumscribing walls of solid granite.

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It was in vain that Fortunato, uplifting his dull torch, endeavoured to pry into the depth of the recess. Its termination the feeble light did not enable us to see. "Proceed," I said; "herein is the Amontillado. As for Luchresi --" "He is an ignoramus," interrupted my friend, as he stepped unsteadily forward, while I followed immediately at his heels. In niche, and finding an instant he had reached the extremity of the niche, and finding his progress arrested by the rock, stood stupidly bewildered. A moment more and I had fettered him to the granite. In its surface were two iron staples, distant from each other about two feet, horizontally. From one of these depended a short chain, from the other a padlock. Throwing the links about his waist, it was but the work of a few seconds to secure it. He was too much astounded to resist. Withdrawing the key I stepped back from the recess. "Pass your hand," I said, "over the wall; you cannot help feeling the nitre. Indeed, it is very damp. Once more let me implore you to return. No? Then I must positively leave you. But I must first render you all the little attentions in my power." "The Amontillado!" ejaculated my friend, not yet recovered from his astonishment. "True," I replied; "the Amontillado."

As I said these words I busied myself among the pile of bones of which I have before spoken. Throwing them aside, I soon uncovered a quantity of building stone and mortar. With these materials and with the aid of my trowel, I began vigorously to wall up the entrance of the niche. I had scarcely laid the first tier of the masonry when I discovered that the intoxication of Fortunato had in a great measure worn off. The earliest indication I had of this was a low moaning cry from the depth of the recess. It was not the cry of a drunken man. There was then a long and obstinate silence. I laid the second tier, and the third, and the fourth; and then I heard the furious vibrations of the chain. The noise lasted for several minutes, during which, that I might hearken to it with the more satisfaction, I ceased my labours and sat down upon the bones. When at last the clanking subsided, I resumed the trowel, and finished without interruption the fifth, the sixth, and the seventh tier. The wall was now nearly upon a level with my breast. I again paused, and holding the flambeaux over the mason-work, threw a few feeble rays upon the figure within. A succession of loud and shrill screams, bursting suddenly from the throat of the chained form, seemed to thrust me violently back. For a brief moment I hesitated, I trembled. Unsheathing my rapier, I began to grope with it about the recess; but the thought of an instant reassured me. I placed my hand upon the solid fabric of the catacombs, and felt satisfied. I reapproached the wall; I replied to the yells of him who clamoured. I re-echoed, I aided, I surpassed them in volume and in strength. I did this, and the clamourer grew still.

It was now midnight, and my task was drawing to a close. I had completed the eighth, the ninth and the tenth tier. I had finished a portion of the last and the eleventh; there remained but a single stone to be fitted and plastered in. I struggled with its weight; I placed it partially in its destined position. But now there came from out the niche a low laugh that erected the hairs upon my head. It was succeeded by a sad voice, which I had difficulty in recognizing as that of the noble Fortunato.

The voice said-- "Ha! ha! ha! --he! he! he! --a very good joke, indeed --an excellent jest. We will have many a rich laugh about it at the palazzo --he! he! he! --over our wine --he! he! he!" "The Amontillado!" I said. "He! he! he! --he! he! he! --yes, the Amontillado. But is it not getting late? Will not they be awaiting us at the palazzo, the Lady Fortunato and the rest? Let us be gone." "Yes," I said, "let us be gone." "For the love of God, Montresor!" "Yes," I said, "for the love of God!" But to these words I hearkened in vain for a reply. I grew impatient. I called aloud -- "Fortunato!" No answer. I called again -- "Fortunato!" No answer still. I thrust a torch through the remaining aperture and let it fall within. There came forth in return only a jingling of the bells. My heart grew sick; it was the dampness of the catacombs that made it so. I hastened to make an end of my labour. I forced the last stone into its position; I plastered it up. Against the new masonry I re-erected the old rampart of bones. For the half of a century no mortal has disturbed them. In pace requiescat!

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Edgar Allan Poe was born in Boston, in 1809. He was an important pioneer of the modern short story. He was a writer's writer, admired by Baudelaire, Cortazar and Nabokov. He died in Baltimore in 1949. 

Harry Clarke was born in Dublin in 1889. He was a stained-glass artist and book illustrator. His first printed work was an illustrated collection of Hans Christian Anderson’s fairy tales. His 1923 illustration of Edgar Allan Poe’s Tales of Mystery and Imagination, sealed his reputation as an artist. He died in Chur in 1931.

The Yellow Wallpaper

Charlotte Perkins Gilman

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It is very seldom that mere ordinary people like John and myself secure ancestral halls for the summer.

A colonial mansion, a hereditary estate, I would say a haunted house, and reach the height of romantic felicity—but that would be asking too much of fate!

Still I will proudly declare that there is something queer about it.

Else, why should it be let so cheaply? And why have stood so long untenanted?

John laughs at me, of course, but one expects that in marriage.

John is practical in the extreme. He has no patience with faith, an intense horror of superstition, and he scoffs openly at any talk of things not to be felt and seen and put down in figures.

John is a physician, and perhaps—(I would not say it to a living soul, of course, but this is dead paper and a great relief to my mind)—perhaps that is one reason I do not get well faster.

You see, he does not believe I am sick!

And what can one do?

If a physician of high standing, and one’s own husband, assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the matter with one but temporary nervous depression—a slight hysterical tendency—what is one to do?

My brother is also a physician, and also of high standing, and he says the same thing.

So I take phosphates or phosphites—whichever it is, and tonics, and journeys, and air, and exercise, and am absolutely forbidden to “work” until I am well again.

Personally, I disagree with their ideas.

Personally, I believe that congenial work, with excitement and change, would do me good.

But what is one to do?

I did write for a while in spite of them; but it does exhaust me a good deal—having to be so sly about it, or else meet with heavy opposition.

I sometimes fancy that in my condition if I had less opposition and more society and stimulus—but John says the very worst thing I can do is to think about my condition, and I confess it always makes me feel bad.

So I will let it alone and talk about the house.

The most beautiful place! It is quite alone, standing well back from the road, quite three miles from the village. It makes me think of English places that you read about, for there are hedges and walls and gates that lock, and lots of separate little houses for the gardeners and people.

There is a delicious garden! I never saw such a garden—large and shady, full of box-bordered paths, and lined with long grape-covered arbors with seats under them.

There were greenhouses, too, but they are all broken now.

There was some legal trouble, I believe, something about the heirs and co-heirs; anyhow, the place has been empty for years.

That spoils my ghostliness, I am afraid; but I don’t care—there is something strange about the house—I can feel it.

I even said so to John one moonlight evening, but he said what I felt was a draught, and shut the window.

I get unreasonably angry with John sometimes. I’m sure I never used to be so sensitive. I think it is due to this nervous condition.

But John says if I feel so I shall neglect proper self-control; so I take pains to control myself,—before him, at least,—and that makes me very tired.

I don’t like our room a bit. I wanted one downstairs that opened on the piazza and had roses all over the window, and such pretty old-fashioned chintz hangings! but John would not hear of it.

He said there was only one window and not room for two beds, and no near room for him if he took another.

He is very careful and loving, and hardly lets me stir without special direction.

I have a schedule prescription for each hour in the day; he takes all care from me, and so I feel basely ungrateful not to value it more.

He said we came here solely on my account, that I was to have perfect rest and all the air I could get. “Your exercise depends on your strength, my dear,” said he, “and your food somewhat on your appetite; but air you can absorb all the time.” So we took the nursery, at the top of the house.

It is a big, airy room, the whole floor nearly, with windows that look all ways, and air and sunshine galore. It was nursery first and then playground and gymnasium, I should judge; for the windows are barred for little children, and there are rings and things in the walls.

The paint and paper look as if a boys’ school had used it. It is stripped off—the paper—in great patches all around the head of my bed, about as far as I can reach, and in a great place on the other side of the room low down. I never saw a worse paper in my life.

One of those sprawling flamboyant patterns committing every artistic sin.

It is dull enough to confuse the eye in following, pronounced enough to constantly irritate, and provoke study, and when you follow the lame, uncertain curves for a little distance they suddenly commit suicide—plunge off at outrageous angles, destroy themselves in unheard-of contradictions.

The color is repellant, almost revolting; a smouldering, unclean yellow, strangely faded by the slow-turning sunlight.

It is a dull yet lurid orange in some places, a sickly sulphur tint in others.

No wonder the children hated it! I should hate it myself if I had to live in this room long.

There comes John, and I must put this away,—he hates to have me write a word.

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We have been here two weeks, and I haven’t felt like writing before, since that first day.

I am sitting by the window now, up in this atrocious nursery, and there is nothing to hinder my writing as much as I please, save lack of strength.

John is away all day, and even some nights when his cases are serious.

I am glad my case is not serious!

But these nervous troubles are dreadfully depressing.

John does not know how much I really suffer. He knows there is no reason to suffer, and that satisfies him.

Of course it is only nervousness. It does weigh on me so not to do my duty in any way!

I meant to be such a help to John, such a real rest and comfort, and here I am a comparative burden already!

Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what little I am able—to dress and entertain, and order things.

It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a dear baby!

And yet I cannot be with him, it makes me so nervous.

I suppose John never was nervous in his life. He laughs at me so about this wallpaper!

At first he meant to repaper the room, but afterwards he said that I was letting it get the better of me, and that nothing was worse for a nervous patient than to give way to such fancies.

He said that after the wallpaper was changed it would be the heavy bedstead, and then the barred windows, and then that gate at the head of the stairs, and so on.

“You know the place is doing you good,” he said, “and really, dear, I don’t care to renovate the house just for a three months’ rental.”

“Then do let us go downstairs,” I said, “there are such pretty rooms there.”

Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose, and said he would go down cellar if I wished, and have it whitewashed into the bargain.

But he is right enough about the beds and windows and things.

It is as airy and comfortable a room as any one need wish, and, of course, I would not be so silly as to make him uncomfortable just for a whim.

I’m really getting quite fond of the big room, all but that horrid paper.

Out of one window I can see the garden, those mysterious deep-shaded arbors, the riotous old-fashioned flowers, and bushes and gnarly trees.

Out of another I get a lovely view of the bay and a little private wharf belonging to the estate. There is a beautiful shaded lane that runs down there from the house. I always fancy I see people walking in these numerous paths and arbors, but John has cautioned me not to give way to fancy in the least. He says that with my imaginative power and habit of story-making a nervous weakness like mine is sure to lead to all manner of excited fancies, and that I ought to use my will and good sense to check the tendency. So I try.

I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to write a little it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me.

But I find I get pretty tired when I try.

It is so discouraging not to have any advice and companionship about my work. When I get really well John says we will ask Cousin Henry and Julia down for a long visit; but he says he would as soon put fire-works in my pillow-case as to let me have those stimulating people about now.

I wish I could get well faster.

But I must not think about that. This paper looks to me as if it knew what a vicious influence it had!

There is a recurrent spot where the pattern lolls like a broken neck and two bulbous eyes stare at you upside-down.

I get positively angry with the impertinence of it and the everlastingness. Up and down and sideways they crawl, and those absurd, unblinking eyes are everywhere. There is one place where two breadths didn’t match, and the eyes go all up and down the line, one a little higher than the other.

I never saw so much expression in an inanimate thing before, and we all know how much expression they have! I used to lie awake as a child and get more entertainment and terror out of blank walls and plain furniture than most children could find in a toy-store.

I remember what a kindly wink the knobs of our big old bureau used to have, and there was one chair that always seemed like a strong friend.

I used to feel that if any of the other things looked too fierce I could always hop into that chair and be safe.

The furniture in this room is no worse than inharmonious, however, for we had to bring it all from downstairs. I suppose when this was used as a playroom they had to take the nursery things out, and no wonder! I never saw such ravages as the children have made here.

The wallpaper, as I said before, is torn off in spots, and it sticketh closer than a brother—they must have had perseverance as well as hatred.

Then the floor is scratched and gouged and splintered, the plaster itself is dug out here and there, and this great heavy bed, which is all we found in the room, looks as if it had been through the wars.

But I don’t mind it a bit—only the paper.

There comes John’s sister. Such a dear girl as she is, and so careful of me! I must not let her find me writing.

She is a perfect, and enthusiastic housekeeper, and hopes for no better profession. I verily believe she thinks it is the writing which made me sick!

But I can write when she is out, and see her a long way off from these windows.

There is one that commands the road, a lovely, shaded, winding road, and one that just looks off over the country. A lovely country, too, full of great elms and velvet meadows.

This wallpaper has a kind of sub-pattern in a different shade, a particularly irritating one, for you can only see it in certain lights, and not clearly then.

But in the places where it isn’t faded, and where the sun is just so, I can see a strange, provoking, formless sort of figure, that seems to sulk about behind that silly and conspicuous front design.

There’s sister on the stairs!

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Well, the Fourth of July is over! The people are gone and I am tired out. John thought it might do me good to see a little company, so we just had mother and Nellie and the children down for a week.

Of course I didn’t do a thing. Jennie sees to everything now.

But it tired me all the same.

John says if I don’t pick up faster he shall send me to Weir Mitchell in the fall.

But I don’t want to go there at all. I had a friend who was in his hands once, and she says he is just like John and my brother, only more so!

Besides, it is such an undertaking to go so far.

I don’t feel as if it was worth while to turn my hand over for anything, and I’m getting dreadfully fretful and querulous.

I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time.

Of course I don’t when John is here, or anybody else, but when I am alone.

And I am alone a good deal just now. John is kept in town very often by serious cases, and Jennie is good and lets me alone when I want her to.

So I walk a little in the garden or down that lovely lane, sit on the porch under the roses, and lie down up here a good deal.

I’m getting really fond of the room in spite of the wallpaper. Perhaps because of the wallpaper.

It dwells in my mind so!

I lie here on this great immovable bed—it is nailed down, I believe—and follow that pattern about by the hour. It is as good as gymnastics, I assure you. I start, we’ll say, at the bottom, down in the corner over there where it has not been touched, and I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow that pointless pattern to some sort of a conclusion.

I know a little of the principle of design, and I know this thing was not arranged on any laws of radiation, or alternation, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else that I ever heard of.

It is repeated, of course, by the breadths, but not otherwise.

Looked at in one way each breadth stands alone, the bloated curves and flourishes—a kind of “debased Romanesque” with delirium tremens—go waddling up and down in isolated columns of fatuity.

But, on the other hand, they connect diagonally, and the sprawling outlines run off in great slanting waves of optic horror, like a lot of wallowing seaweeds in full chase.

The whole thing goes horizontally, too, at least it seems so, and I exhaust myself in trying to distinguish the order of its going in that direction.

They have used a horizontal breadth for a frieze, and that adds wonderfully to the confusion.

There is one end of the room where it is almost intact, and there, when the cross-lights fade and the low sun shines directly upon it, I can almost fancy radiation after all,—the interminable grotesques seem to form around a common centre and rush off in headlong plunges of equal distraction.

It makes me tired to follow it. I will take a nap, I guess.

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I don’t know why I should write this.

I don’t want to.

I don’t feel able.

And I know John would think it absurd. But I must say what I feel and think in some way—it is such a relief!

But the effort is getting to be greater than the relief.

Half the time now I am awfully lazy, and lie down ever so much.

John says I musn’t lose my strength, and has me take cod-liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.

Dear John! He loves me very dearly, and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.

But he said I wasn’t able to go, nor able to stand it after I got there; and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.

It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness, I suppose.

And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.

He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well.

He says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.

There’s one comfort, the baby is well and happy, and does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wallpaper.

If we had not used it that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn’t have a child of mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds.

I never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept me here after all. I can stand it so much easier than a baby, you see.

Of course I never mention it to them any more,—I am too wise,—but I keep watch of it all the same.

There are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will.

Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day.

It is always the same shape, only very numerous.

And it is like a woman stooping down and creeping about behind that pattern. I don’t like it a bit. I wonder—I begin to think—I wish John would take me away from here!

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It is so hard to talk with John about my case, because he is so wise, and because he loves me so.

But I tried it last night.

It was moonlight. The moon shines in all around, just as the sun does.

I hate to see it sometimes, it creeps so slowly, and always comes in by one window or another.

John was asleep and I hated to waken him, so I kept still and watched the moonlight on that undulating wallpaper till I felt creepy.

The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern, just as if she wanted to get out.

I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper did move, and when I came back John was awake.

“What is it, little girl?” he said. “Don’t go walking about like that—you’ll get cold.”

I though it was a good time to talk, so I told him that I really was not gaining here, and that I wished he would take me away.

“Why darling!” said he, “our lease will be up in three weeks, and I can’t see how to leave before.

“The repairs are not done at home, and I cannot possibly leave town just now. Of course if you were in any danger I could and would, but you really are better, dear, whether you can see it or not. I am a doctor, dear, and I know. You are gaining flesh and color, your appetite is better. I feel really much easier about you.”

“I don’t weigh a bit more,” said I, “nor as much; and my appetite may be better in the evening, when you are here, but it is worse in the morning when you are away.”

“Bless her little heart!” said he with a big hug; “she shall be as sick as she pleases! But now let’s improve the shining hours by going to sleep, and talk about it in the morning!”

“And you won’t go away?” I asked gloomily.

“Why, how can I, dear? It is only three weeks more and then we will take a nice little trip of a few days while Jennie is getting the house ready. Really, dear, you are better!”

“Better in body perhaps”—I began, and stopped short, for he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern, reproachful look that I could not say another word.

“My darling,” said he, “I beg of you, for my sake and for our child’s sake, as well as for your own, that you will never for one instant let that idea enter your mind! There is nothing so dangerous, so fascinating, to a temperament like yours. It is a false and foolish fancy. Can you not trust me as a physician when I tell you so?”

So of course I said no more on that score, and we went to sleep before long. He thought I was asleep first, but I wasn’t,—I lay there for hours trying to decide whether that front pattern and the back pattern really did move together or separately.

On a pattern like this, by daylight, there is a lack of sequence, a defiance of law, that is a constant irritant to a normal mind.

The color is hideous enough, and unreliable enough, and infuriating enough, but the pattern is torturing.

You think you have mastered it, but just as you get well under way in following, it turns a back somersault and there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, and tramples upon you. It is like a bad dream.

The outside pattern is a florid arabesque, reminding one of a fungus. If you can imagine a toadstool in joints, an interminable string of toadstools, budding and sprouting in endless convolutions,—why, that is something like it.

That is, sometimes!

There is one marked peculiarity about this paper, a thing nobody seems to notice but myself, and that is that it changes as the light changes.

When the sun shoots in through the east window—I always watch for that first long, straight ray—it changes so quickly that I never can quite believe it.

That is why I watch it always.

By moonlight—the moon shines in all night when there is a moon—I wouldn’t know it was the same paper.

At night in any kind of light, in twilight, candlelight, lamplight, and worst of all by moonlight, it becomes bars! The outside pattern I mean, and the woman behind it is as plain as can be.

I didn’t realize for a long time what the thing was that showed behind,—that dim sub-pattern,—but now I am quite sure it is a woman.

By daylight she is subdued, quiet. I fancy it is the pattern that keeps her so still. It is so puzzling. It keeps me quiet by the hour.

I lie down ever so much now. John says it is good for me, and to sleep all I can.

Indeed, he started the habit by making me lie down for an hour after each meal.

It is a very bad habit, I am convinced, for, you see, I don’t sleep.

And that cultivates deceit, for I don’t tell them I’m awake,—oh, no!

The fact is, I am getting a little afraid of John.

He seems very queer sometimes, and even Jennie has an inexplicable look.

It strikes me occasionally, just as a scientific hypothesis, that perhaps it is the paper!

I have watched John when he did not know I was looking, and come into the room suddenly on the most innocent excuses, and I’ve caught him several times looking at the paper! And Jennie too. I caught Jennie with her hand on it once.

She didn’t know I was in the room, and when I asked her in a quiet, a very quiet voice, with the most restrained manner possible, what she was doing with the paper she turned around as if she had been caught stealing, and looked quite angry—asked me why I should frighten her so!

Then she said that the paper stained everything it touched, that she had found yellow smooches on all my clothes and John’s, and she wished we would be more careful!

Did not that sound innocent? But I know she was studying that pattern, and I am determined that nobody shall find it out but myself!

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Life is very much more exciting now than it used to be. You see I have something more to expect, to look forward to, to watch. I really do eat better, and am more quiet than I was.

John is so pleased to see me improve! He laughed a little the other day, and said I seemed to be flourishing in spite of my wallpaper.

I turned it off with a laugh. I had no intention of telling him it was because of the wallpaper—he would make fun of me. He might even want to take me away.

I don’t want to leave now until I have found it out. There is a week more, and I think that will be enough.

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I’m feeling ever so much better! I don’t sleep much at night, for it is so interesting to watch developments; but I sleep a good deal in the daytime.

In the daytime it is tiresome and perplexing.

There are always new shoots on the fungus, and new shades of yellow all over it. I cannot keep count of them, though I have tried conscientiously.

It is the strangest yellow, that wallpaper! It makes me think of all the yellow things I ever saw—not beautiful ones like buttercups, but old foul, bad yellow things.

But there is something else about that paper—the smell! I noticed it the moment we came into the room, but with so much air and sun it was not bad. Now we have had a week of fog and rain, and whether the windows are open or not, the smell is here.

It creeps all over the house.

I find it hovering in the dining-room, skulking in the parlor, hiding in the hall, lying in wait for me on the stairs.

It gets into my hair.

Even when I go to ride, if I turn my head suddenly and surprise it—there is that smell!

Such a peculiar odor, too! I have spent hours in trying to analyze it, to find what it smelled like.

It is not bad—at first, and very gentle, but quite the subtlest, most enduring odor I ever met.

In this damp weather it is awful. I wake up in the night and find it hanging over me.

It used to disturb me at first. I thought seriously of burning the house—to reach the smell.

But now I am used to it. The only thing I can think of that it is like is the color of the paper! A yellow smell.

There is a very funny mark on this wall, low down, near the mopboard. A streak that runs round the room. It goes behind every piece of furniture, except the bed, a long, straight, even smooch, as if it had been rubbed over and over.

I wonder how it was done and who did it, and what they did it for. Round and round and round—round and round and round—it makes me dizzy!

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I really have discovered something at last.

Through watching so much at night, when it changes so, I have finally found out.

The front pattern does move—and no wonder! The woman behind shakes it!

Sometimes I think there are a great many women behind, and sometimes only one, and she crawls around fast, and her crawling shakes it all over.

Then in the very bright spots she keeps still, and in the very shady spots she just takes hold of the bars and shakes them hard.

And she is all the time trying to climb through. But nobody could climb through that pattern—it strangles so; I think that is why it has so many heads.

They get through, and then the pattern strangles them off and turns them upside-down, and makes their eyes white!

If those heads were covered or taken off it would not be half so bad.

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I think that woman gets out in the daytime!

And I’ll tell you why—privately—I’ve seen her!

I can see her out of every one of my windows!

It is the same woman, I know, for she is always creeping, and most women do not creep by daylight.

I see her on that long shaded lane, creeping up and down. I see her in those dark grape arbors, creeping all around the garden.

I see her on that long road under the trees, creeping along, and when a carriage comes she hides under the blackberry vines.

I don’t blame her a bit. It must be very humiliating to be caught creeping by daylight!

I always lock the door when I creep by daylight. I can’t do it at night, for I know John would suspect something at once.

And John is so queer now, that I don’t want to irritate him. I wish he would take another room! Besides, I don’t want anybody to get that woman out at night but myself.

I often wonder if I could see her out of all the windows at once.

But, turn as fast as I can, I can only see out of one at one time.

And though I always see her she may be able to creep faster than I can turn!

I have watched her sometimes away off in the open country, creeping as fast as a cloud shadow in a high wind.

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If only that top pattern could be gotten off from the under one! I mean to try it, little by little.

I have found out another funny thing, but I shan’t tell it this time! It does not do to trust people too much.

There are only two more days to get this paper off, and I believe John is beginning to notice. I don’t like the look in his eyes.

And I heard him ask Jennie a lot of professional questions about me. She had a very good report to give.

She said I slept a good deal in the daytime.

John knows I don’t sleep very well at night, for all I’m so quiet!

He asked me all sorts of questions, too, and pretended to be very loving and kind.

As if I couldn’t see through him!

Still, I don’t wonder he acts so, sleeping under this paper for three months.

It only interests me, but I feel sure John and Jennie are secretly affected by it.

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Hurrah! This is the last day, but it is enough. John is to stay in town over night, and won’t be out until this evening.

Jennie wanted to sleep with me—the sly thing! but I told her I should undoubtedly rest better for a night all alone.

That was clever, for really I wasn’t alone a bit! As soon as it was moonlight, and that poor thing began to crawl and shake the pattern, I got up and ran to help her.

I pulled and she shook, I shook and she pulled, and before morning we had peeled off yards of that paper.

A strip about as high as my head and half around the room.

And then when the sun came and that awful pattern began to laugh at me I declared I would finish it to-day!

We go away to-morrow, and they are moving all my furniture down again to leave things as they were before.

Jennie looked at the wall in amazement, but I told her merrily that I did it out of pure spite at the vicious thing.

She laughed and said she wouldn’t mind doing it herself, but I must not get tired.

How she betrayed herself that time!

But I am here, and no person touches this paper but me—not alive!

She tried to get me out of the room—it was too patent! But I said it was so quiet and empty and clean now that I believed I would lie down again and sleep all I could; and not to wake me even for dinner—I would call when I woke.

So now she is gone, and the servants are gone, and the things are gone, and there is nothing left but that great bedstead nailed down, with the canvas mattress we found on it.

We shall sleep downstairs to-night, and take the boat home to-morrow.

I quite enjoy the room, now it is bare again.

How those children did tear about here!

This bedstead is fairly gnawed!

But I must get to work.

I have locked the door and thrown the key down into the front path.

I don’t want to go out, and I don’t want to have anybody come in, till John comes.

I want to astonish him.

I’ve got a rope up here that even Jennie did not find. If that woman does get out, and tries to get away, I can tie her!

But I forgot I could not reach far without anything to stand on!

This bed will not move!

I tried to lift and push it until I was lame, and then I got so angry I bit off a little piece at one corner—but it hurt my teeth.

Then I peeled off all the paper I could reach standing on the floor. It sticks horribly and the pattern just enjoys it! All those strangled heads and bulbous eyes and waddling fungus growths just shriek with derision!

I am getting angry enough to do something desperate. To jump out of the window would be admirable exercise, but the bars are too strong even to try.

Besides I wouldn’t do it. Of course not. I know well enough that a step like that is improper and might be misconstrued.

I don’t like to look out of the windows even—there are so many of those creeping women, and they creep so fast.

I wonder if they all come out of that wallpaper as I did?

But I am securely fastened now by my well-hidden rope—you don’t get me out in the road there!

I suppose I shall have to get back behind the pattern when it comes night, and that is hard!

It is so pleasant to be out in this great room and creep around as I please!

I don’t want to go outside. I won’t, even if Jennie asks me to.

For outside you have to creep on the ground, and everything is green instead of yellow.

But here I can creep smoothly on the floor, and my shoulder just fits in that long smooch around the wall, so I cannot lose my way.

Why, there’s John at the door!

It is no use, young man, you can’t open it!

How he does call and pound!

Now he’s crying for an axe.

It would be a shame to break down that beautiful door!

“John dear!” said I in the gentlest voice, “the key is down by the front steps, under a plantain leaf!”

That silenced him for a few moments.

Then he said—very quietly indeed, “Open the door, my darling!”

“I can’t,” said I. “The key is down by the front door under a plantain leaf!”

And then I said it again, several times, very gently and slowly, and said it so often that he had to go and see, and he got it, of course, and came in. He stopped short by the door.

“What is the matter?” he cried. “For God’s sake, what are you doing!”

I kept on creeping just the same, but I looked at him over my shoulder.

“I’ve got out at last,” said I, “in spite of you and Jane! And I’ve pulled off most of the paper, so you can’t put me back!”

Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep over him every time!

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Charlotte Perkins Gilman was born in Connecticut in 1860. She was a writer of poems, short-stories, and non-fiction. She was also a mother, famous feminist and social reformer. She wrote the “Yellow Wallpaper” a semi-autobiographical tale in 1890. After publishing the story, she sent it to one of her doctors. He had prescribed “bed rest” to cure her depression. Gilman died by suicide in California, 1935.